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From UnMeta

• Uncyclopedia wins Popularity Contest for the umpteenth time. ED poses little threat.
• Oscar Wilde has been seen with three cows in the southern parts of Dublin. People are wondering how he got the third cow.
• British universities are now introducing Batman Studies, a masters degree in which you study how to become Batman.
• Google's googlebot successfully indexes Mars. Search for life on Mars is completed in 0.33 seconds.
• Slobodan Milosevic, champion of Serbian obesity and friend of all Serbian Muslims, dies of high fructose corn syrup overdose in a Belgrade prison. Republicans are quick to blame Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton quickly blamed his friend and mentor Dick Cheney. Cheney claims he saw a quail. The quail refuses to comment on the issue.
• "We can't just have Sephiroth and Sailor Moon runnin' willy nilly in the USA," said George W. Bush on the current Otakukin Registration Act controversy.
• Russ Feingold named only non-idiot left in Galactic Senate.
• NASA's Maverick probe, on a 12-year mission to the black hole Sagittarius A, is destroyed when it's sucked into a black hole.