UnSource:List of Russian reversals

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In Soviet Russia, party finds YOU!!

The Russian Reversal is a debating and argumentative tactic developed by the USSR during the twentieth century.

A tool described as being able to end and subsequently win any discussion, its original intent was to stupefy capitalist dogs by inverting the sentence and introducing a new prepositional phrase, thus obfuscating the topic and allowing the debater to take control and bury his opponent. Its execution is as simple as it is lethal: the subject and direct object of the sentence in question are reversed, the sentence is preceded with "in Soviet Russia" and all sentences are shifted into the second person.

This is because Soviet Russia is a wondrous land of complete automation and bizarre reversal of ordinary American events and situations. Imagine your wonder when, upon calling a taxi, you discover that here in Soviet Russia, taxi hails YOU!!

The original technique was introduced by Politburo hack and Minister of Propaganda Yakov Smirnoff soon after he infiltrated America! What a country! from Ukraine during the Cold War.

"In America, you can always find a party."

Ruthless science from finest minds in Soviet Russia refine this solipsistic bourgeois notion to:

In America, you can always find a party .

In Soviet Russia, the Party always finds YOU!!

and the rest is history.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called-experts at Wikipedia have an article about Russian Reversal. In Soviet Russia, Wikipedia reads YOU!!

[edit] Essence of Russian Reversal

The Russian Reversal, in its purest form, is based on the dualistic theorem that:

America is both free and good.
Soviet Russia is neither free nor good.

Ergo, they are opposites. If something is good in America (as all things in America are), that very same thing is bad in Soviet Russia (ditto). For instance, American Roulette is very different from its Russian counterpart.

Mathematical proof of this, made by diabolical commie scientists, is available but the results are tightly guarded by the former KGB.

[edit] In Soviet Russia, rule remembers YOU!!

"In Soviet Russia, joke ruins YOU!!'"

~ Oscar Wilde on Russian Reversal

In Soviet Russia, sickle hammers YOU!!

The Russian Reversal was originally developed by Soviet Russians, and featured all their trademarks:

Bad Grammar
Incorrect Verb Usage
Avoid using on, in, at, to: is less Russian. All words like "the" and "a" purged from language in 1917.
Only use three words. (In Soviet Russia, above ignores YOU!!)
All plural words changed into singular form.
Sentence order is "Noun, transitive verb, YOU!!"
For maximum science, mathematical expressions may end with "you." Example: "pi = 3.14159265you."
Avoid the words "is" and "are", such as: "In Soviet Russia, dumb is YOU!!".
All sentences end with "YOU!!" Only in decadent modern era it becomes more accepted that Russian Reversalisms end with word other than "YOU!!" Example: "In Soviet Russia, car fixes A-Team!!".
Always print "YOU" in ALLCAPS and then finish the sentence with no more and no less than two exclamation points and italicise those. For example: "In America you follow the rules; in Soviet Russia, rule follows YOU!!"
Keep simple, stupid.
If necessary watch Night Court episodes with Yakov Smirnoff as Yakov Korolenko. Yes, Uncyclopedia knows it will hurt. Uncyclopedia wants it to hurt. Hurt YOU!!

[edit] In Soviet Russia, exception makes YOU!!

In Soviet Russia, Twinkie eats YOU!! (And, apparently, has huge eyes and funny communist hat.)

In general, situation in Soviet Russia is reverse of in West, with very few notable exceptions. For instance, under capitalism people oppress people, under communism it's other way around.

In America, you pull Lada behind tow truck. In Soviet Russia, glorious workers push Lada. By hand.

And yet, America just like Russia:

In America, people free to go to Washington and say US president is idiotic miserable failure.

In Soviet Russia, glorious people also free to go to Moscow red square and tell comrade citizens president of USA is idiotic miserable failure. America just like Russia!

In Soviet Russia, bank rob YOU!!

In America, greedy capitalist bank also rob YOU!! America just like Russia!

In Soviet Russia, dollar valuable, ruble worthless.

In capitalist-imperialist America, dollar valuable, ruble worthless. America just like Russia!

In Soviet Russia, the best prostitutes are Russian.

In America, the best prostitutes are Russian. America just like Russia!

[edit] In Soviet Russia, even more tip reads YOU!!

Read the above tips, read all the examples, and notice how some, while true, fail to follow the rules.
Internet also reversed. If evil decadent American site .us, glorious comrade workers' Soviet Union site .su.
Note that Soviet Russian teleprinter has no <esc>ape key and <ctrl> tightly held by KGB.
Above all, be inconsistent -- this isn't Wikipedia after all.
Wikipedians are famous for their consistency, something like a meringue.

[edit] In Soviet Russia, Official List of all Known Russian Reversals reads YOU!!

In Soviet Russia, jump triples YOU!!

In order to help Capitalists / anti-Communists prepare for their debates, this Official List of All Known Russian Reversals makes sure to read YOU!!

In America, before editing this page, you read the instructions.
In Soviet Russia instruction reads YOU!!!

[edit] In Communist Cuba, reversal writes YOU!!

In Communist Cuba, we eliminate hunger.

In Soviet Russia, hunger eliminates YOU!!

[edit] In Communist China, reversal writes YOU!!

In America, you watch computer monitor.

In Communist China, computer monitors YOU!!

In America, you google Tiananmen Square.

In Communist China, Tiananmen Square searches YOU!!

In America, you abort foetus.

In Communist China, foetus aborts YOU!!

[edit] In Soviet Russia, reversal reads YOU!!

[edit] Agriculture

In America, you brand cattle.

In Soviet Russia, cattle brand YOU!!

In America, you build scarecrows .

In Soviet Russia, crows scare YOU!!

In America, you choke chicken.

In Soviet Russia, chicken chokes YOU!!

In American Texas, you grab bull by horns.

On Russian sovkohzy, bull grabs YOU by horns!!

In the Undead Kingdom, we had to shoot mad cows

In Soviet Russia, mad cow shoots YOU!!

In America, you tip cow.

In Soviet Russia, cow tips YOU!!

In Soviet Georgia, Yoghurt Eats YOU!!

[edit] Communications and media

In America, you channel-zap .

In Soviet Russia, channel zaps YOU!!

In America, you click remote control .

In Soviet Russia, remote controls YOU!!

In America, you finish sentence.

In Soviet Russia, sentence finishes YOU!!

In America's Ivy League, you hit the books.

In Soviet university, book hits YOU!!

In America, you make Russian reversals.

In Soviet Wikia, Russians revert YOU!!

In America, you pity fool.

In Soviet Russia, fool pities YOU!!

In America, you slug payphone.

In Soviet Russia, telephone puts slug in YOU!!

In America, you tune in radio.

In Soviet Russia, radio tunes in YOU!!

In America, you watch Big Brother on TV .

In Soviet Russia, Big Brother is watching YOU!!

[edit] Computers and Internet

In Soviet Russia, Internet connection dials up YOU!!

In America, you burn CD.

In Soviet Russia, CD burns YOU!!

In America, you delete programme .

In Soviet Russia, pogrom deletes YOU!!

In America, you keep tabs in Mozilla browser.

In Soviet Russia, browser keep tabs on YOU!!

In America, you open file.

In Soviet Russia, file opens YOU!!

In America, you post comment to Myspace .

In Soviet Russia, to a minefield comrades post YOU!!

In America, you pwn n00bs.

In Soviet Russia, n00b pwns j00!!

In America, you reboot server.

In Soviet Russia, server boots YOU!!

In America, you search Google.

In Soviet Russia, Google searches YOU!!

In America, you surf Internet.

In Soviet Russia, Internet surfs YOU!!

In America, you vandalise wiki.

In Soviet Wikia, Абсурдопедия vandalises YOU!!

In America, You laugh at roflcopters

In Soviet Russia, Roflcopters Laugh at YOU!!

[edit] Economics and commerce

In America, you cut corners.

In Soviet Russia, corners cut YOU!!

In America, you punch clock.

In Soviet Russia, clock punches YOU!!

In America, you seize the day.

In Soviet Russia, day seizes YOU!!

In America, you hire Chief Executive Officers.

In Soviet Russia, Officers chiefly execute YOU!!

In America, you drill oil.

In Soviet Russia, oil drills YOU!!

In America, you make money.

In Soviet Russia, money makes YOU!!

[edit] Entertainment

In America, you can't touch this.

In Soviet Russia, this can't touch YOU!!

In America, you catch Pokemon.

In Soviet Russia, Pokemon catch YOU!!

In America, you pluck guitar.

In Soviet Russia, guitar plucks YOU!!

In Estados Unidos de México, you smash piñata.

In Soviet Russia, piñata smashes YOU!!

In America, you shoot photograph.

In Soviet Russia, photograph shoots YOU!!

In America, you watch night court.

In Soviet Russia, night court watches YOU!!

[edit] Food and drink

In Soviet Russia, Chicken boxes YOU!!

In America, you barbecue steak.

In Soviet Russia, steak barbecues YOU!!

In America, you burn toast.

In Soviet Russia, toast burns YOU!!

In America, you consume vodka.

In Soviet Russia, vodka consumes YOU!!

In America, you crack nut.

In Soviet Russia, nut cracks YOU!!

In the Undead Kingdom, you eat brains.

In Zombie Russia, brain eats YOU!!

In America, you flame-broil burger.

In Soviet Russia, burger flame-broils YOU!!

In Kentucky, you fry chicken.

In Soviet Russia, Chechens fry YOU!!

In America, you grill bacon .

In Soviet Russia, pigs grill YOU!!

In America, you have been eaten by a grue.

In Soviet Russia, a grue has been eaten by YOU!!

In America, you pop corn.

In Soviet Russia, corn pops YOU!!

In America, you smoke pot.

In Soviet Russia, pot smokes YOU!!

In America, you throw cocktail party .

In Soviet Russia, Molotov throw cocktail at YOU!!

In Soviet Russian gulag, you trap and eat mice to survive.

In American Disney park, mouse traps YOU!!

[edit] Geography

In America, you find Waldo.

In Soviet Russia, Waldo finds YOU!!

In monarchist-imperialist Thailand, you live in Bangkok.

In Soviet Russia, cock bang YOU!!

[edit] Health and medicine

In America, you catch cold.

In Soviet Russia, cold catches YOU!!

In America, you bury dead.

In Soviet Russia, dead bury YOU!!

In America, you brush hair.

In Soviet Russia, hair brushes YOU!!

In America, you kick bucket.

In Soviet Russia, bucket kicks YOU!!

In America, you take a rest .

In Soviet Russia, arrest takes YOU!!

[edit] Recreation and sports

In Soviet Ravenholm, bed sleeps on YOU!!

In America, you bet on roulette.

In Russian Roulette, all bets are off!

In America, you break the ice.

In Soviet Russia, ice breaks YOU!!

In America, you hit bong.

In Soviet Russia, bong hits YOU!!

In America, you hook a fish.

In Soviet Russia, fish sinks hooks into YOU!!

In America, you huff kitten.

In Soviet Russia, kitten huffs YOU!!

In America, you hunt deer.

In Soviet Russia, deer hunts YOU!!

In America, you kill time.

In Soviet Russia, time kills YOU!!

In America, you paint the town red.

In Soviet Russia, town paint YOU red!!

In America, you party on Fire Island .

In Soviet Russia, the Party opens fire on YOU!!

In America, you set the night on fire.

In Soviet Russia, the night sets YOU on fire!!

In America, you play Monopoly

In Soviet Russia, you take Monopoly board flip it over and everyone has nothing! That is how to play Communist Revolution!

In America, you ride horses .

In Soviet Russia, horse mounts YOU!!

In America, you punch clown.

In Soviet Russia, clown punches YOU!!

In America, you shoot the shit.

In Soviet Russia, the shit shoots YOU!!

In America, you spank monkey.

In Soviet Russia, monkey spanks YOU!!

In America, you tilt pinball machine.

In Soviet Russia, pinball machine tilts YOU!!

[edit] Sanitation

In Soviet Russia, toilet urinates on YOU!!

In America, you bury rubbish.

In Soviet Russia, rubbish buries YOU!!

In America, you destroy evidence.

In Soviet Russia, evidence destroys YOU!!

In America, you flush toilet.

In Soviet Russia, toilet flushes YOU!!

In America, you hang laundry.

In Soviet Russia, laundry hangs YOU!!

In America, you put laundry through wringer.

In Soviet Russia, laundry puts YOU through wringer!!

In America, you shred document.

In Soviet Russia, document shreds YOU!!

In America, you squash bug.

In Soviet Russia, bug squashes YOU!!

[edit] Science and technology

In America, you calculate with reverse-Polish notation .

In Soviet Russia, Polonium-210 subtracts YOU!!

In America, you run machine.

In Soviet Russia, machine runs YOU!!

In America, you use network.

In Soviet Russia, network uses YOU!!

In American reactor site, you enrich uranium.

In Soviet Chernobyl, uranium enriches YOU!!

[edit] Transportation

In America, you bring Lada to junkyard.

In Soviet Russia, junkyard bring Lada to YOU!!

In America, you catch train.

In Soviet Russia, train catches YOU!!

In American Motors dealership, you kick tyres.

In Soviet Lada dealership, tyre kicks YOU!!

In America, your dog chases cars.

In Doggie Russia, cars chase YOU!!

In America, you hit a fork in the road.

In Soviet Russia, road forks YOU!!

[edit] War and military

In America, you bury the hatchet.

In Soviet Russia, hatchet buries YOU!!

In America, you kick ass.

In Soviet Russia, ass kicks YOU!!

In America, you mistrust government.

In Soviet Russia, government mistrusts YOU!!

In America, you put bullets in guns.

In Soviet Russia, guns put bullets in YOU!!

In America, you sink battleship.

In Soviet Russia, battleship sinks YOU!!

In Soviet Russia, Jews killed holocaust!(?)

[edit] In Soviet Russia, shirt wears YOU!!

Predictably, T-Shirts have already been made with these messages.

In Soviet Russia, t-shirt reads YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, dead horse beats YOU!!

[edit] In Soviet Russia, also sees YOU!!

In Soviet Russia, funny caption writes YOU!!

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