UnSource:List of Russian reversals
A tool described as being able to end and subsequently win any discussion, its original intent was to stupefy capitalist dogs by inverting the sentence and introducing a new prepositional phrase, thus obfuscating the topic and allowing the debater to take control and bury his opponent. Its execution is as simple as it is lethal: the subject and direct object of the sentence in question are reversed, the sentence is preceded with "in Soviet Russia" and all sentences are shifted into the second person.
This is because Soviet Russia is a wondrous land of complete automation and bizarre reversal of ordinary American events and situations. Imagine your wonder when, upon calling a taxi, you discover that here in Soviet Russia, taxi hails YOU!!
"In America, you can always find a party."
Ruthless science from finest minds in Soviet Russia refine this solipsistic bourgeois notion to:
- In America, you can always find a party .
- In Soviet Russia, the Party always finds YOU!!
and the rest is history.
- 1 Essence of Russian Reversal
- 2 In Soviet Russia, Official List of all Known Russian Reversals reads YOU!!
- 2.1 In Socialist Cuba, reversal writes YOU!!
- 2.2 In Communist China, reversal writes YOU!!
- 2.3 In Soviet Russia, reversal reads YOU!!
- 2.3.1 Agriculture
- 2.3.2 Communications and media
- 2.3.3 Computers and Internet
- 2.3.4 Economics and commerce
- 2.3.5 Entertainment
- 2.3.6 Food and drink
- 2.3.7 Geography
- 2.3.8 Health and medicine
- 2.3.9 Recreation and sports
- 2.3.10 Sanitation
- 2.3.11 Science and technology
- 2.3.12 Transportation
- 2.3.13 War and military
- 2.4 In Soviet Russia, shirt wears YOU!!
- 2.5 In Soviet Russia, also sees YOU!!
Essence of Russian Reversal
The Russian Reversal, in its purest form, is based on the dualistic theorem that:
- America is both free and good.
- Soviet Russia is neither free nor good.
Ergo, they are opposites. If something is good in America (as all things in America are), that very same thing is bad in Soviet Russia (ditto). For instance, American Roulette is very different from its Russian counterpart. Russians are also forced to eat those horrible fish eggs - the most obvious of reasons for them to drown their sorrows in very much vodka.
Mathematical proof of this, made by diabolical commie scientists, is available but the results are tightly guarded by the former KGB.
In Soviet Russia, rule remembers YOU!!
"In Soviet Russia, joke ruins YOU!!'"
~ Oscar Wilde
The Russian Reversal was originally developed by Soviet Russians, and featured all their trademarks:
- Bad Grammar
- Incorrect Verb Usage
- Avoid using on, in, at, to: is less Russian. All words like "the" and "a" purged from language in 1917.
- Only use three words. (In Soviet Russia, above ignores YOU!!)
- All plural words changed into singular form.
- Sentence order is "Noun, transitive verb, YOU!!"
- For maximum science, mathematical expressions may end with "you." Example: "pi = 3.14159265you."
- Avoid the words "is" and "are", otherwise "In Soviet Russia, dumb is YOU!!".
- All sentences end with "YOU!!" Only in decadent modern era it becomes more accepted that Russian Reversalisms end with word other than "YOU!!" Example: "In Soviet Russia, car fixes A-Team!!".
- Always print "YOU" in ALLCAPS and then finish the sentence with no more and no less than two exclamation points and italicise those. For example: "In America you follow the rules; in Soviet Russia, rule follows YOU!!"
- Keep simple, stupid.
- If necessary watch Night Court episodes with Yakov Smirnoff as Yakov Korolenko. Yes, Uncyclopedia knows it will hurt. Uncyclopedia wants it to hurt. Hurt YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, exception makes YOU!!
In general, situation in Soviet Russia is reverse of in West, with very few notable exceptions. For instance, under capitalism people oppress people, under communism it's other way around.
In America, greedy capitalist pigs pull Lada behind tow truck. In Soviet Russia, glorious workers push Lada. By hand.
And yet, America just like Russia:
- In America, people free to go to Washington and say US president is idiotic miserable failure.
- In Soviet Russia, glorious comrade citizens free to go to red square and also say president of USA is idiotic miserable failure. America just like Russia!
- In Soviet Russia, bank rob YOU!!
- In America, greedy capitalist bank also rob YOU!! America just like Russia!
- In Soviet Russia, dollar valuable, ruble worthless.
- In capitalist-imperialist America, dollar valuable, ruble worthless. America just like Russia!
- In Soviet Russia, the best prostitutes are Russian.
- In America, the best prostitutes are Russian. America just like Russia!
In Soviet Russia, even more tip reads YOU!!
- Read the above tips, read all the examples, and notice how some, while true, fail to follow the rules.
- Internet also reversed. If evil decadent American site .us, glorious comrade workers' Soviet Union site .su.
Note that Soviet Russian teleprinter has no <esc>ape key and <ctrl> tightly held by KGB.
- Above all, be inconsistent -- this isn't Wikipedia after all.
Wikipedians are famous for their consistency, something like a meringue.
In Soviet Russia, Official List of all Known Russian Reversals reads YOU!!
In order to help Capitalists / anti-Communists prepare for their debates, this Official List of All Known Russian Reversals makes sure to read YOU!!
In Socialist Cuba, reversal writes YOU!!
- In America, you smoke cigar.
- In Socialist Cuba, cigar smokes YOU!!.
In Communist China, reversal writes YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, reversal reads YOU!!
- In American Texas, you grab bull by horns.
- On Russian sovkohzy, bull grabs YOU by horns!!
Communications and media
- In America, you click remote control .
- In Soviet Russia, remote controls YOU!!
- In America, you finish sentence.
- In Soviet Russia, sentence finishes YOU!!
- In America, you pity fool.
- In Soviet Russia, fool pities YOU!!
Computers and Internet
- In America, you vandalise wiki.
- In Soviet Wikia, Абсурдопедия vandalises YOU!!
- In America, You laugh at roflcopters
- In Soviet Russia, Roflcopters Laugh at YOU!!
- In America, You back-up your data.
- In Soviet Russia, data backs-up YOU!!
Economics and commerce
- In America, you appoint Chief Executive Officer .
- In Soviet Russia, chief officer executes YOU!!
- In America, you can't touch this.
- In Soviet Russia, this can't touch YOU!!
Food and drink
- In America, you consume vodka.
- In Soviet Russia, vodka consumes YOU!!
- In the Undead Kingdom, you eat brains.
- In Zombie Russia, brain eats YOU!!
- In Kentucky, you fry chicken.
- In Soviet Russia, Chechens fry YOU!!
- In America, you grill bacon .
- In Soviet Russia, pigs grill YOU!!
- In America, you throw cocktail party .
- In Soviet Russia, Molotov throw cocktail at YOU!!
- In Soviet Russian gulag, you trap and eat mice to survive.
- In American Disney park, mouse traps YOU!!
Health and medicine
Recreation and sports
- In America, you bet on roulette.
- In Russian Roulette, all bets are off!
- In America, you party on Fire Island .
- In Soviet Russia, the Party opens fire on YOU!!
- In America, you play Monopoly
- In Soviet Russia, you take Monopoly board flip it over and everyone has nothing! That is how to play Communist Revolution!
- In America, you ride horses .
- In Soviet Russia, horse mounts YOU!!
- In America, you punch clown.
- In Soviet Russia, clown punches YOU!!
- In America, you put laundry through wringer.
- In Soviet Russia, laundry puts YOU through wringer!!
Science and technology
- In America, you calculate with reverse-Polish notation .
- In Soviet Russia, Polonium-210 subtracts YOU!!
- In American reactor site, you enrich uranium.
- In Soviet Chernobyl, uranium enriches YOU!!
- In America, you rationalise denominator.
- In Soviet Russia, denominator rationalises YOU!!
- In America, your dog chases cars.
- In Doggie Russia, cars chase YOU!!
War and military
- In America, you shoot gun.
- In Soviet Russia, gun shoots YOU!!
- In America, you can make the march and make Georgia howl.
- In Soviet Georgia, forced march make howl YOU!!
- In America, you believe in Jesus.
- In Soviet Russia, Hasus believes YOU when YOU sell him fire-arms!!
- In Dem Deutschen Reich, you gas jews
- In Soviet Russia, jews gas YOU!!'
- In America, you make french fries.
- In Nazi Germany, you fry french!!.
In Soviet Russia, shirt wears YOU!!
Predictably, T-Shirts have already been made with these messages.
- In Soviet Russia, t-shirt reads YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, dead horse beats YOU!!