UnSource:Wikipedia BJAODN/67 Deletion Summer of Love

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If you wish to put in new Wikipedia Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense, you may do so at UnSource:Wikipedia BJAODN/67 Deletion Summer of Love. But PLEASE cite your sources!


Here is the newest page of BJAODN from Wikipedia. Feel free to add to it.Please cite your sources, including where the edits came from. Thank you.

From Wikipedia:Recent changes

(diff) (hist) . . N User:TeddyBearRevolution‎; 21:16 . . (+146) . . TeddyBearRevolution (talk | contribs) (←Created page with 'Teddy Bear Revolution wishes to add a little nonsense to this world. Just a little. With maybe add a little candy corns lollipops as well...')


Stupid vandalism

From Emirates Cup

[1]

Nicklas Bendtner Scores a screamer past monty Panersar and he dies of Gomes obesity

Written by 80.0.169.150

[2]

puyol farts in gomes mouth which stinks like cheese

Written by Tyrone245


From Wizard101

[3]

Just after a statement that "Other features have been designed with a pre-teens audience...there is no bloodshed": If you are 18 or over in age there is none.

Written by Mimzy630


From deleted template Template:User dislikes semitic one god religions

NO semitic one god This user dislikes semitic one god religions, Abrahamic monotheistic religions, JHVH, [YHVH, Yahve, Allah, JEHOVAH, Jesus.

Category:Interest user templates


Written by Sanskrit No offense to Sanskrit, but there's not much love in that comment.

Awesome American Man's userpage

[4]

I love America and if I had my way I'd have the RIAA and their lawyers sentenced to death for being asshats.


AMERICA!

Written by Awesome American Man on October 9, 2007, at 21:41. This was his only edit.

From the Sandbox

[5]

Have you fucked this shit fuckingly for fuck's shit with shitting shit to fuck? If you have fucked this shit, fill out form 4a. If you have shitted your shit but not fucked it, fill out form 4b and refer to schedule B. And if fucking this shit involved Midwestern displaced persons, be sure to check off line item 219 and pass 'Go'.

Written by 192.12.88.7 with the comment, "Yep, it's tax season again."

[6] [7]

Dialog-error.svg You have been pwned from editing for for all eternity till kingdom come, and hell freeze over, and Newt Gingrich becomes a Democrat in accordance with Wikipedia's blocking policy for persistent Comedy. Such behaviour is not tolerated on Wikipedia.

Kind regards,
Wikipadia Admin

Partial contributions by 67.66.201.37 and 192.12.88.7

From Wikipedia:Silly Things

[8]

Welcome to the Bad Debts and Other Deleted Nonsense quarter of Wikipedia.

Contributed by 192.12.88.7

From List of characters in Madagascar

One secret Marlene has is that if she is feeling normal, her eyes will stay golden, but if she changes her mood, her eyes darken sometimes to black. Another deep secret is that Marlene was not from a different zoo: she was taken from the wild and was changed from her orginal name, Ashia-Mae. An even deeper secret that could knock even Skipper silly: that Marlene works undercover for a secret society which will be revealed in the second season and that she knows every type of combat made.

From Risks to civilization

It has also been noted that The Daleks could come from the planet Skaro and take over planet earth on their mission to eradicate all beings and be the supreme being of the universe. Contributed by 194.72.80.15. [9]

From Dickipedia

Dickipedia logo.png

Dickipedia - A Wiki of Dicks is a parody collection of satirical biographies "about people who are dicks" produced by the writers of Comedy 23/6. It is self-described as "a monolingual (English), Web-based, free content encyclopedia project, ...[which] does not contain information about people who are detectives".[1]


References

  1. "About: Dickipedia - A Wiki of Dicks". Dickipedia. Huffington Post Comedy. 2009. http://www.dickipedia.org/dick.php?title=Dickipedia_-_A_Wiki_of_Dicks:About. Retrieved 2009-04-16. 

From User:Inclusionist/irony

Don't template the regulars

Stop hand.svg

This is the only warning you will receive. Your recent template on my page will not be tolerated, as per Wikipedia:Don't template the regulars.

If you continue, you will be blocked from editing Wikipedia. This edit {{{1}}} is uncalled for.~~~~


From Make Money Fast

[10] The chain letters all follow a rigidly predefined format or template with only minor variations (such as claiming to be from an retired lawyer or claiming to be selling "reports" in order to attempt to make the scheme appear lawful). Very quickly they become repetitive, causing them to be bait for widespread satire or parody.

In some cases, the parodies have been mistaken as being real (and the original posters mailbombed or reported for net.abuse) by readers who stop at the words "My name is Dave Rhodes..." (or Pave Roades) and read no further.

They then react without noticing the various other telltale parody clues such as "Dear Fiend, My name is Slave Rhodes. In September 1988 my karma was reposessed and the dog pound was hounding me like you wouldn't believe. I was sacked| for incompetence and drug abuse and my reality check had bounced. The only escape I had from the pressure of idiotic failure was my computer and my modem..."

One claiming to be the first such chain letter claims that palaentologists recently deciphered the following, painted on a cave wall on the slopes of Kilimanjaro: "MAKE SPIKY CLUBS FAST!!! Hello, not-tribe-member. Urk name Urk. Many moons ago, Urk in bad way. Urk kicked out of cave by Thag. Thag bigger than Urk, Thag take Urk spiky club, Urka (Urk wo-man). Urk not able kill deer, must eat leaves|, berries|. Urk flee from wolves|. Today, Urk big chief. Urk have best cave, many wives|, many spiky clubs. Urk tell how. WHAT DO: make one spiky club and take to cave places below. Add own cave place to bottom of list, take cave place off top. Put new message on walls many caves. Wait. Many clubs soon come! This not crime! Urk ask shaman, gods say okay..."

Most parodies, like the original, closely follow the same textual structure:

The hard-luck and rags-to-riches story

Almost universally, these will begin by claiming to have been poor and to have received a large quantity of some item of value.

Originally the poster claimed to have received money ($50000 according to the original Dave Rhodes spam), but parodies often change this to obtaining something, anything else for basically nothing, for instance:

  • Make Beer Fast claims "My name is Dave Rhodes. In September 1988 my refrigerator was empty and I was god-awful thirsty. But the only thing I had to quench my thirst was a half-empty can of Meister Brau... This January 1989 my family and I went on a ten-day drinking spree. I bought a Lincoln Town Car and paid with 1200 cases of Guinness. I am currently building a home on the West Coast of Florida, with a private pool (filled with beer), boat slip, and a beautiful view of the bay from my breakfast room table and patio, all out of emptied beer bottles. I will never have to go to the liquor store again..."
  • In one one-time offer "A genie appeared. He told me he had come to make me an AMAZING, INCREDIBLE, ONE TIME OFFER! All I had to do was piss people off and for every person who started to hate me a nickel would fall out of my arse" (and presumably, for every person *they* annoy, you get a penny)

Some also satirise the rags-to-riches stories by blatant exaggeration, like:

  • My name is Rave Dhodes "Until a week ago, I was living on the beach in a shack made entirely from Postum jars, some of which were still half-full of product, which had rotted...the only food I could find for my family to eat was the maggots we picked daily from our open sores--and the winter was coming, which as you may know is a lean time, maggot-wise..."
  • "Dear Potential Mark, My name is Lenny Luser. Two years ago, the corporation I worked at for the past twelve years down-sized| and my position was eliminated. Since the company was doing pretty well at the time, I think that perhaps my dismissal had something to do with me showing up on the job drunk a few too many times. After unproductive job interviews, I figured human resources people just didn't like to hire someone with a purple mohawk, a criminal record, and a Motley Crüe tattoo on the forehead. "

or, taken to the opposite extreme:

  • or "I am actually making money off it. The new twisted instructions call for the recipient to send out 200 further letters with an Australian 5c coin attached to the front page. I've received 5 letters (thanks for the 25 cents)."

or even allude to or mock the eventual fate of the original Dave Rhodes point-blank, as in:

  • Get Arrested Fast "Hi, I'm Dave Rhodes, and I'm in jail. Just six months ago, I was in dire financial straits... Then, I hit upon one of the most amazing schemes for making quick money that I had ever thought of...I took out five post office boxes in different cities and made up four other names so that the first five contributions all went to me. To say the least, the response was overwhelming..."
  • Make Enemies Fast "My name isn't Dave Rhodes, and I am not a retired attorney, but who cares. I invented a new scheme, which guarantees to work all the time. Use it, and you will never have to work anymore during your entire life. In fact, you will have so many enemies|, that nobody ever would consider you for any job of any kind for the rest of your life. A few years ago, I had a nice job with a good income. I owned a beautiful house with a swimming pool (for birds) and hot and cold running water. Now I went bankrupt, and was kicked out of my job. Here is the scheme for archieving the same thing..."

or even:

  • "Quickly take your two cents worth| and send it to the top name on the list. Delete the top name and add your own to the bottom. Send the letter to as many US government sites as possible, including president@whitehouse.gov, [email protected]potatoe.gov and (of course) postmaster@usps.gov. By the miracle of government waste, in no time at all THOUSANDS of postal inspectors, FBI agents and bored meter maids will each be trying to offer you their two cents worth. They may not be polite, but remember that, as a criminal instead of a poor unemployed person, you now have RIGHTS|. The results are simply amazing! I live in a Big House| now. The government pays for all of my living expenses, which run into several TENS of THOUSANDS of dollars a year. EVERY YEAR! In fact, I'm so rich that I can afford to have a bunch of folks guarding the place around the clock. If I want a slice of bread or a cup of water, they bring it to me without my even having to lift a finger. And the nightlife here is incredible! Bars everywhere! I don't even have to pay a cent for any of it. Many would kill to live like I do now. Many *do* kill| to live in a Big House like mine..."

Various claims to have unsuccesfully tried other schemes

These will usually be envelope stuffing scams (make $3 each stuffing envelopes that companies pay a few cents to have stuffed by machine, send $29.95 for info!), "send $20 for information on how to get rich quick" (the info tells you to run an ad saying "send $20 for information on how to get rich quick...") and the like. Nothing new under the sun.

Requests to send money or continue the pyramid

Some of these will parody older chain letters asking to be propagated based on superstition or vary this by adding various urban legends such as "Craig Shergold forgot to forward an e-mail titled Join the Crew and was hit with a new FCC modem tax..."

The requests of what to send also tend to be somewhat original:

  • One scheme requests "Welcome to the world of borderline prostitution! This little business is a little different than most whorehouses. Your services are not given for money, but done for the oral sex you will get in return! 1. IMMEDIATELY travel to the homes of the first 5 (five) names listed below starting at number 1 through number 5. When you arrive, simply give them oral sex. 2. REMOVE the name that appears number 1 on the list. Place your name, address and zip code in the number 10 position..."
  • Sock It to Me asks "Take all your unmatched socks, place them in a sturdy envelope and mail them to the participant named as the top of the list. Do not break this chain! You've heard of athlete's foot but you've never experienced Professional Athlete's Foot!"
  • one variant Make Penis Fast asks the reader to send a certain anatomy part, usually in pieces (ouch!), claiming "you are now in the business of extending penii..."
  • or even "bundle up your husband or boyfriend and send him to the woman whose name appears at the top of the list. When your name comes to the top of the list, you will receive 16,377 men - and one of them is bound to be a hell of a lot better than the one you already have. DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN. HAVE FAITH! One woman broke the chain and got her own sonovabitch back. At the time of writing this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 men. They buried her yesterday but it took three undertakers 36 hours to get the smile off her face and two days to get her legs together so that they could close the coffin."

A dubious claim that this is lawful

While the original scams refer to "postal lottery" laws, a "retired lawyer" or selling "reports" and "lists", the parodies are usually a little less subtle:

  • One would-be Ponzi claim "By the time you have read the enclosed information and looked over the enclosed program and reports, you should have concluded that such a program, and one that is legal (ahem), could not have been created by an amateur. As a matter of fact, it was created by a PROFESSIONAL| con man (no amateur there), and if you think this is legal, I've got a bridge in Brooklyn I'd like to sell you. A man named Charles Ponzi cooked up this little baby, decades ago. He sucked up lots of money by bilking the citizens of Boston with his "pyramid" scheme, and when it collapsed (as they always do) lots of people discovered that they basically had flushed their money down the toilet, and Charles Ponzi ended up getting deported| -- again. More recently, Albania's economy and civil order collapsed because their leaders concocted a similar scheme, squirreled all the money away overseas, and got out just before the citizens who they had defrauded and impoverished| could string them up on light poles like they deserved."

The list of names or addresses

This may claim that originators always place their own names at every list position, for instance:

Another variant is to use fictititious or joke names like:

  1. Bob Edam, 125 Velveeta Lane, Fondue Lake, Wisconsin 53409
  1. Robert Emmental, 127 Velveeta Lane, Fondue Lake, Wisconsin 53409
  1. Rob Caithness, 129 Velveeta Lane, Fondue Lake, Wisconsin 53409
  1. D. Wensleydale, 131 Velveeta Lane, Fondue Lake, Wisconsin 53409
  1. Ralph Cheddar, 133 Velveeta Lane, Fondue Lake, Wisconsin 53409
  1. Frank O. American, 135 Velveeta Lane, Fondue Lake, Wisconsin 53409

or: "Quick, write down these names, and replace the top name with your own.

  • Sir 617-555-5555
  • Joy 231-122-7451
  • Cindy 391-342-6422
  • Matt 324-634-7345
  • Joe 234-546-2344
Then call all of these numbers. Collect."

Alleged testimonials

The testimonials are usually as offbeat as the original schemes, for instance:

  • MMF hall of horror - Maximize Your Dough - "Yes, you too can be as rich as I am today! Why, just send one granule of flour and one drop of water| (and maybe a little sugar, if you're feeling nasty) to each of the 5 people listed below, and in just a few short weeks, you'll be up to your knees in Dough! Can you imagine what 50,000 granules of flour and drops of water looks like on my kitchen table? Well, I can -- AND IT'S A BIG FREAKIN MESS!"

External Links

From Brandon Morrow

Morrow's article was not edited from July 27 to August 8, 2010. But on that afternoon, Morrow was in the ninth inning of a potential no-hitter. The vultures descended:

  • 13:56 Edit: "He will throw a no-hitter on August 8th 2010."
  • 14:09 Revert previous edit
  • 14:33 Edit: "On Sunday, August 8, 2010, Morrow threw a no-hitter in 1-0 victory over the visiting Tampa Bay Rays."
  • 14:35 Revert previous edit
  • 14:39 Edit: "On August 8th 2010, Morrow was one out away from a No-Hitter, which would have been the sixth No-Hitter of the 2010 Season."

There were eleven more edits in the succeeding half-hour, including one pointless one (and its revert) and one semi-vandalism one (and its revert). Final score, constructive edits 8, bad edits and reversions 8.

from Winnie chaeng

Biographical Details

  • 1982 Cheng was born in Hong Kong.
  • 2010 Cheng started brushing her teeth

from Uranium

File:HEUranium.jpg
All hail uranium!

Tuba Eating

Pretty cool honestly, the user was actually named Uncyclopedian! Of course, he was a vandalism-only sockpuppet and not to be encouraged or discussed as it may hurt Uncyc's reputation with Wikipedia, but still, hilarious stuff:

Tuba Eating by WP User:Uncyclopedian

Hypocritical IP

In a change summary that fixed a minor error: "Dear god someone doesn't know how commas work" Shouldn't that be "Dear God, someone doesn't know how commas work"?