UnSource:Wikipedia BJAODN/Best of BJAODN
|This page is originally from Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense and is licensed under GFDL.|
|See also: http://bjaodn.org|
|If you wish to put in new Wikipedia Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense, you may do so at UnSource:Wikipedia BJAODN/67 Deletion Summer of Love. But PLEASE cite your sources!|
This is a collection of the best jokes and nonsense from Wikipedia:Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense. The criterion for a joke getting on this page is simple: at least one Wikipedian found it funny.
- 1 Y0-Y0 Ma
- 2 From Coleoptera
- 3 From Drummer
- 4 From Cryptozoology
- 5 From Larry Sanger/The art of Wikipedia weeding
- 6 Political Philosophy (from Bexley Hall (MIT))
- 7 From Logical positivism
- 8 From Talk:Adolf Hitler
- 9 From Jules Rimet trophy
- 10 From CPGM
- 11 From All your base are belong to us
- 12 From Cow tipping
- 13 From Mandelbrot set
- 14 From Malaga (province)
- 15 From Musician
- 16 From Alternative rock
- 17 From Ontario
- 18 From Poland
- 19 From Politics of Belgium
- 20 From Numerical analysis
- 21 From United States/Standard of Living
- 22 From Sociology
- 23 From Wales
- 24 From Special:Wantedpages
- 25 From Pupil
- 26 From Wikipedia:Announcements
- 27 From Nose picking
- 28 From Voltaic Democratic Union
- 29 From Vandalism in progress
- 30 From Baby Catapult
- 31 From Bird classification
- 32 From Types of Bird
- 33 From Self-referential humour
- 34 Water on Mars
- 35 Coca-Cola in the Wild
- 36 From Kool-Aid
- 37 CNNBCBS
- 38 Todo
- 39 Wikipedium
- 40 From C is for Cookie
- 41 From Cristóbal Colón
Y0-Y0 Ma plays Yo-Yo Ma, who lives in the human universe. Y0-Y0 Ma was born on Availy 32, 123456789, so he is 40 years, 13 months, 5 weeks, and 8 days old as of Verely 0, 987654321. He was born in Culombos of District, Wishongtan, Amerigan Union of Soviet Capitalist Tribes.
About the actor
Y0-Y0 Ma is an actor who enjoys playing nonexistant creatures. Of all the beings he had played, his favorite are the Humans. He enjoys playing them, because they aren't that sophisticated, so he doesn't have to be. Of course, no one understands what he's saying when he is acting, because all the actors speak in Humanish language for "authenticity". His favorite character, Yo-Yo Ma, is a parody on his name.
Y0-Y0 Ma currently resides in Los Diablos, Jaba Nacilofria, A.U.S.C.T.
The most musical of the Insecta, Coleoptera are known for their tight, 4-part harmonizing and catchy melodies.
Someone who hangs out with musicians.
Cryptozoology studies such "hidden", undiscovered and possibly non-existent creatures as the Bigfoot, what happens when a sock disappears from the washing machine, (cf. Patterson-Gimlin film) and the Loch Ness Monster.
TRANSMISSION FROM THE YEAR 2007: STANDBY FOR TIME MOVEMENT:
Weeding was generally thought to be the first indication that Wikipedia would lose its free form nature and become Moderated by a small knit circle of Fascists willing to impose their own intellectual aesthetic on others, much like Slashdot. Although this increased the consistency of the site and decreased the number of punctuation and spelling errors, a small and militant minority noticed the decrease in the intellectual diversity of the entries, and went on to form its own splinter group, Shittipedia.
By 2005, Wikipedia had become an incorporated entity and was bought out by Westinghouse for 35 million dollars, making many of its key authors very wealthy, while simultaneously alientating tens of thousands of miscreants, ne'er do wells, and other undesirables (who in fact had provided 90% of its content).
See Also Fascism Elitism Internet Authority Disease --the naked net crusader (ed: otherwise known as the much-loved and missed Sammy Snake) (another ed: I would say "the sort of loved and "missed despite our better judgement Sammy Snake)
(and note that this piece was given the lie when Wikipedia was *actually* bought out by Encyclopedia Britannica in 2005... --Baylink 22:13, 5 Apr 2005 (UTC))
Political Philosophy (from Bexley Hall (MIT))
Bexley Hall has a unique set of governing laws. Many dormitories throughout the United States have meager, impotent governmental bodies operated by either photogenic male sociopath proto-politicians or detail-obsessed sexually-repressed females bent on attaining perfection at the cost of their humanity (some examples: Kathy Lee-Gifford, Tracy Flick). Bexley hall is different. According to noted anarchist thinker Rudolph Rocker, Bexley Hall is an "... oddly prescient example of what the future anarcho-syndicalist living situation should resemble... truly a place where the calcified rotten husk of formalist government has been upended, pulped, and made into rolling papers for the smoking of intoxicating plants."
Bexley Hall was first to understand that government by people (or even robots) was inefficient and error prone. People tend to be afflicted with 'principles' and 'morality', they are also subject to 'reality'. Bexley was the first institution to institute a de-facto illusory governing construct, pre-dating Foucault's deconstructionist theories by some two decades.
As the case of Ronald Reagan amply demonstrates, in this age of mass-media, people do not want and cannot tolerate being ruled by humans. They want to be ruled by myths. Mythological rulers are more appealing, more effective, and ultimately more cost effective for all. They transcend the straightjackets of 'objectivity', 'consistency', 'honesty', and 'ethics' that hampered previous non-constructed leaders. Actual politics is quite boring and will not satisfy the current generations of television and internet-saturated entertainment consumers. Expecting these consumers to have any working knowledge of history (or even the present) that will allow them to differentiate 'fact' from 'fantasy' is far too much to ask. Anything with a semantic content more sophisticated than People Magazine is difficult and disturbing for the average American.
In the year 1920, Bexley-based political scientists experimented with the 'Construct' idea. It was considered absurd, irresponsible, and nihilistic -- because it was, and the creators said so themselves. They suspended research in 1941 to work on Radar, and were hired again by HUAC in the early 1950's. Their stunning success was noted in governmental circles and a project was inaugurated to unify the powers of Hollywood and Washington to create a cross-national axis of delusion.
The Bexleyites called this elaborate, highly-funded secret operation PROJECT REAGAN. Through a miracle of public relations firm moxie and animatronic genius, the Reagan-bot broke down the barriers between fantasy and reality in a masculine fashion.
By 1980 the transfer to a completely fantasy-based system of Political economy was complete when Ronald Reagan was elected President of the United States. The purposely fantastical and delusional actions of the government caused the fall of the Soviet Union when the Russian government realized they could not compete with the sheer entertainment power of the United States. The United States' systematic program of voluntary, incentive-based Stupidification was far more successful than the Soviet Union's program of forced, involuntary stupidification.
Racing to catch up, Gorbachev implemented Perestroika and Glastnost to try and compete, but by the end of the decade America's PROJECT YELTSIN seized power and implemented a foreign style delusion-based system of political economy, creating a fantastic narrative where the President was a drunken buffoon who fired one Prime Minister after another, suspended democracy on multiple occasions by dismissing the Duma, and even sent forth tanks to fire on the nation's highest legislative body. An interesting side-note was the creation of the Cheap Vodka Party, a short-lived group of politicians who were promising and, based on the absurdity of their premise, capable of seizing power over the world's largest country; until they were upended by the fantastically funny and fanatical Vladimir Zhironovsky, who threatened to take back Alaska from the United States if elected. Cheap vodka is one thing, but promising frivolous war on a nuclear power is clearly the trump card of balderdash.
This article was written by Marc Rios, a former resident of Bexley.
From Logical positivism
Logical positivism asserts that only statements about empirical observations are meaningful, effectively asserting that all metaphysical statements are meaningless.
Unfortunately, this fundamental tenet of logical positivism belongs to the family of statements that it asserts to be meaningless. As a result, the entire edifice of logical positivism vanishes in a puff of logic.
This insight appears not to have occurred to the logical positivist school of philosophers.
This is still in the article: Logical positivism failed primarily on the basis that its fundamental tenets could not themselves be formulated in a way that was clearly consistent. The verifiability criterion did not seem verifiable; but neither was it simply a logical tautology, since it had implications for the practice of science and the empirical truth of other statements. This presented severe problems for the logical consistency of the theory.
From Talk:Adolf Hitler
In any encyclopedia Hitler should be given a fair judgement.
He was not a blood-thirsty murderer. Rather a loving family man.
He liked a animals and was kind to them.
Anyway, we so often say that a person who shows kindness to animals can't be a bad person.
Besides he had done a lot of good for the Germans, at least before the WW2 broke out.
Oh, and he enjoyed paying prostitutes to shit on him.
(Edit: The "blood-thirsty murderer" part I would not touch with a 10 foot pole.
The "loving family man" part is partially a lie. Firstly, Hilter did not marry (Eva Braun) until the day before they, along with their bunker mates, committed suicide. In that sense, Hitler was no "loving family man." On the other hand, rumors have surfaced that Hitler impregnated his niece. In this sense he was very much so a "loving family man." (I have to mentally laugh here =))
Hitler did in fact, love animals, as his much loved german shepard, Blondi, will tell you.
Hitler did in fact do a lot of good for Germany before the breakout of WWII, however any thought of that has mostlty been elimiated from history. But just think Autobahn, yes, that unlimited speed highway in Germany where new Mercedes Benzs are tested out, albeit that it was a tool for his blitzkreig tactics; it was still a major public works project for a country that was in "water up to its neck" because of the terms of WWI. This is in addition to the various other public works projects.
As for the "paying prostitutes to shit on him," Hitler did not need to pay prostitutes, he had enough of a cult following of women who were too messed up in the head to care what he wanted them to do. As for the shitting part, it could have very well been what Hitler wanted, but none of those messed up women talked about it, unfortunately.) --Lonelysoul01 09:15, 21 November 2005 (UTC)
From Jules Rimet trophy
Mildly amusing vandalism:
It is named after the FIFA president Jules Rimet who in 1929 passed a vote to initiate the competition after a bittersweet reunion with the gruff but lovable dwarf who took him in as a child and raised him despite his constant bout with Rickets.
The Coalition to Prevent Gratuitous Misuse (CPGM) was organized in 1901 to protest the (then) common misuse of the word weight to mean mass. The movement gained momentum (defined as the vector product of its velocity and mass) when SI was officially adopted in place of metric system, which no longer carried its weight. This movement captured the imagination of the mass of scientists througout the world, although the general public remained unmoved, since a body at rest tends to remain at rest (see Newton's Laws).
It remains to be seen whether any of these phrases will acquire any global meaning at all, but if they do, you will most certainly read about it here first, as wikipedia is the authority on this kind of thing, and is certainly the only encyclopedia in any position to track such absurdity given how fast it grows.
From Cow tipping
If you succeed in tipping a cow only partway, such that only one of its feet is still on the ground, you have created lean beef. Such a feat is well done. Naturally, being outside, the cow is unstable. When it falls over, it becomes ground beef. David
From Mandelbrot set
<tr><th align="center" bgcolor="lightyellow"|Binomial nomenclature</th></tr> <tr><th align="center"|Amygdalartos benedictus</th></tr> </table> The Mandelbrot set (Amygdalartos benedictus, a close relative of the Logistic map, A. logisticus) is a Fractal. <br clear="all"|
From Malaga (province)
The Sun Coast (Costa del Sol) is a concrete monster that swallows, burns, and spits back millions of happy European tourists.
However, musicians, at least insofar as their human manifestations go, can be distinguished from other creatures that create melodic sounds by their insistence on producing such sounds even when there is no clear reason for them to do so and even in the face of compelling reasons to cease such activity in favour of dealing with crises affecting their personal survival. In other words, even when no reward or likely advantage is to be obtained by the performance of "Brown Eyed Girl" or "Mustang Sally" in a bar full of losers, a musician will, nevertheless, perform such composition or other "song" requested by any audience even as his (or her) girlfriend (or boyfriend) is being wooed by the bartender and/or all his/her belongings are being carted off to a disposal site and/or staff of such establishment are telling him/her to "stop now!". (See also, "guitarist" and "singer" and "homeless person".)
From Alternative rock
Alternative rock is the name given to one stone when you're looking at another stone. The term was coined by photographer Edwin Blastocyst when looking at one stone and speaking about another, oddly enough.
- The quote from Edwin Blastocyst needs to be verified.
I suppose if one was actually from North Tonowonda, it could be important, maybe...
- I've been to Niagara Falls, USA. Trust me, you do not want to admit you live in Niagara Falls, USA. People from Niagara Falls, USA should just say they're from Buffalo. Niagara Falls, USA makes northern Maine look high-class.
Please cite your sources so others can check your work.
-- I don't suggest putting it back into the artical, but I can confirm that this is mostly true
- From an Englishman's diary:
- Monday: I went drinking with the Poles
- Tuesday: I think I'm going to die
- Wednesday: I went drinking with the Poles again
- Thursday: Why the hell didn't I die on Tuesday...
- And in Poland they tell this joke about russians ... Oh, well
The r e a l:) version is:
the next morning i had a hangover - i had better died yesterday
From Politics of Belgium
Each minister gets two elk to ride to and from the office.
From Numerical analysis
The United States is historically remarkable for being the first nation with obese poor people.
- And this was *cut*?? Baylink 22:31, 5 Nov 2004 (UTC)
- We have obese people in the UK too. These can be seen by visiting a branch of ASDA -- Cdyson37 13:48, 19 September 2005 (UTC)
- Most first world nations have many of obese poor people. --Sjschen 19:28, 18 November 2005 (UTC)
Sociology is grand! It is the study of social structures like laws and rules and regulations and what we sociologists call. "Mores (pronounced more A's, beloved students) :-) and folkways and customs and taboos.
The word, "sociology", in its furthest "Far out!" context, is a real mind-bender because it means the study of all humanity.
"Sir! You think I can study six BILLION people?" :-)
Good Lord! :-)
Sociologists are the Gardeners in the Mind -- the "Ideaculturists" in the Garden if the Human Mind, quite like the horticulturists who deal with other growing things.
See a good offshoot? Perhaps help it along?
[COMMENT: Bill Nye the Sociology Guy...]
- Free will is wanted by 11 articles
- Q. Why was the teacher cross-eyed?
- A. Because she couldn't control her pupils.
I would need the names & addresses of Literary Agents who's business is Extra Sensory Perception (ESP) related. Have used ESP all in my life and written a book about. The manuscript is completed and edited by a person who has nine of her books (not ESP related) published. Please send your suggestions to [email protected] Thanks for anybody's help. Tom Kallai
From Nose picking
- "How did you know I went to Harvard?" "I noticed your class ring when you picked your nose."
- "You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose."
- I say this is a legitimate quote. I've seen it in a movie somewhere.--BDAbramson 10:21, 23 Feb 2005 (UTC)
- I think I saw it on the Nickelodeon show, All That.
- It was a favorite joke of the Marx Bros.
- I think I saw it on the Nickelodeon show, All That.
- "I know he picks his nose. Feel under the furniture."
From Voltaic Democratic Union
A shocking political development.
- As far as I know this was necer written in the article. This started as a stub : "Shocking, just shocking!".
- BTW do you know that when Haute-Volta became Burkina Faso some civil servant decided that the Piles photovoltaïques should be renamed Piles photoburkinabé ?
- Ericd 23:03, 9 Nov 2004 (UTC)
From Vandalism in progress
- Someone vandalised Single-party state with Finally Paul Morton's weiner is huge. All the girls want to suck on it. They want him to fuck their hot pussies untiol they are tired! -ÉÍREman
- Did he provide a citation? If not, delete it and ask him to NPOV it. I'm suspicious anyway: a google search on "Paul Morton's weiner" returns zero hits. -º¡º
From Baby Catapult
The Baby Catapult is an invention of insane genius Maxwell Q. Infantlauncher of Indianapolis, Indiana. It is not meant to launch actual infants; it is meant to launch Cabbage Patch Kids and the sort. The goal is for them to go 100 feet in the air, and 500 feet along the ground. The catapult should be finished by mid-2004.
From Bird classification
Bird classification is the process of identifying birds into classes.
- More lunacy: (this is now at User:Node ue/Birdidae
From Types of Bird
A simplified classification tree follows:
===Air Birds=== (genus Flybirdia) These are the most common bird group. They are found in the Air, although one occasionally sees them on the ground due to a frequent breif medical condition known as Wing cramp or pterostasis.
From Self-referential humour
<meta http-equiv="refresh" url=http://web.archive.org/web/20051215000000/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-referential humour|</nowiki|
Water on Mars
Coca-Cola in the Wild
Yet it is often found and eaten. It does many things to Protect itself. It may 'accidentally' tip over when frightened, or Disguise itself as the less popular Pepsi or Dr. Pepper. Still, even with its most Creative attempts, its foes still find it.
In the Wild, it stays in packs of 5-23 other cans. Sadly, many packs have been taken into captivity, where Rings are put tightly around their middles and the cans are put into Boxes. They are then sold to people who take them to houses, where they will not be fed or allowed to roam around.
[EDIT] Actually, Organic farming allows for free-roaming.
(EDIT) It doesn't say organic does it edit boy?
This is simply because 90% of all Coca-Cola isn't organically cultivated. Organic and free-range Coca-Colas are more expensive and generally sold only in natural foods markets.
The product Mascot of Kool-Aid is a gigantic Anthropomorphic pitcher filled with some kind of anonymous red liquid (Maybe it's drugs, who knows?) that seemingly at Random bursts through walls with complete disregard for human life, causing countless thousands of dollars in property damage. He then chuckles and utters his thought-terminating Catchphrase 'Oh Yeah!'. He has yet to be apprehended, so if you know anything about the wherabouts of this wanted fugitive, please call 1-800-555-KOOL or notify your local authorities, and consider him armed and very dangerous.
See <a href=http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Todo&oldid=10183889%7Cthis page]].
Wikipedium is a naturally occurring Element in space. It is interesting, because Wikipedium seems to have an infinite amount of Protons, Neutrons, and Electrons. Thus, an Ion is impossible. Also, there would only be one kind of Isotope.
The Name "Wikipedium" came from the name of the Encyclopedia Wikipedia. It was so named, because the Community of Encyclopedists Discovered the element through an extensive Experiment and announced the findings a Month later.
Its implications in nuclear physics are very important, considering that the product of a nuclear fission of a wikipedium atom would always be two wikipedium atoms, creating matter in an infinite cycle.
From C is for Cookie
C is for Cookie can be regarded as a case study in persuasive Oratory, emphasizing the emotional aspect of public speaking. Cookie Monster builds excitement by answering his opening Rhetorical question, "Now what starts with the letter C?" with the obvious reply, "Cookie starts with C!" He then challenges the audience, "Let's think of other things that starts with C," before quickly replying, "Oh, who cares about the other things?" casually dismissing a whole range of other possibilities as irrelevant. Thus, having ostensibly come for the purpose of covering the letter C in its entirety, Cookie Monster has already focused his agenda exclusively on cookies, employing the classic Bait and switch tactic. Several times in his presentation, Cookie Monster emphasizes what appears to be the central thesis of his remarks: "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me!" The appealing rhythm of this Slogan appears designed to entrance listeners, swaying their emotions and making them instinctively want to chant along with him. After rousing the crowd, Cookie Monster systematically lays out the logical underpinnings of his pro-cookie ideology, comparing cookies to round Donuts with one bite out of them and to the Moon during its Crescent phase, in essence using a Straw man argument that implies his opponents would advocate the superiority of these competitors over cookies. In this sense, Cookie Monster may be proposing a False dichotomy representing cookies as the only viable choice to a group of obviously inferior alternatives. But before the audience has a chance to catch on, Cookie Monster launches into another round of repetitive chanting, "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me, yeah!" as young children sing along. Here, Cookie Monster uses a Propaganda technique strikingly similar to that employed in George Orwell's Animal Farm by the pig Napoleon, who trained the farm's sheep to bleat, "Four legs good, two legs bad" on his cue. Cookie Monster then adds visual stimulation to his discourse by chomping into a large cookie, concluding his remarks with "Umm-umm-umm-umm-umm" and other chewing sounds.
From Cristóbal Colón
I always thought he was an ass. Now I know he's a colon.