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Damn it, Jim, I'm a Bad Joke, not Other Deleted Nonsense

  • Reference to: "Damn it, Jim, I'm a doctor, not an [other role]", from Star Trek
This page is originally from Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense and is licensed under GFDL.
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If you wish to put in new Wikipedia Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense, you may do so at UnSource:Wikipedia BJAODN/67 Deletion Summer of Love. But PLEASE cite your sources!



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Contents

From the Sandbox, but too cool for In-Sand-ity[edit]

Snappy Answers to Life's tough Questions[edit]

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Stupidity.

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? You're right. We should instead say "slept like a highly-doped baby".

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? I object to all this sex on the television. I mean, I keep falling off!

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Stupidity.

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America? Cause it's easy to find pretty people. It's hard to find ugly, naive, gullible politicians.

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. So they can take picutres from behind the one-way wall.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup? No, they call it "squiggly soup".

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? No, it's called a "CAN YOU UNDERSTAND THE MUTHAF*CKIN WORDS COMMIN OUT OF MY MOUTH??"

What disease did cured ham actually have? That's easy. AIDS.

Why do buffalo wings taste like chicken? Because if they tasted like guacamole, that'd just be silly.

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always clear? They're not clear. They're opacity challenged.

Why do they call them "Free Gifts"? Aren't all gifts free? Only the free ones.

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? Matresses do not exist. They're all in your imagination.

Where do forest rangers go to "Get away from it all"? McDonalds.

Whatever happened to Preparation A through G? They melted the assholes off whoever used them. And the only time we want deformed assholes is when we're choosing a president.

If a cow laughed hard, would milk come out of her nose? No, human blood would.

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one? Because "onety-one" is 0x11, equal 1710 . Ha!

When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up...what did he go back to? Bed.

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Depends on whether they used Preparation B or not.

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call? Ghostbusters!

Why does a round pizza come in a square box? Because if it came in a penis-shaped box, people would complain.

Why don't women put pictures of their missing husbands on beer cans? OK, you got me there.

If we're here to help other people, what are the other people here for? To be expendible. Ever heard of a "redshirt"?

Why is it called "after dark" when it is really "after light"? Light and dark are one and the same. Just ask Darth.

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? Depends on what it's sucking.

Why do we say "Something is out of whack". What is a whack? WHACK': 1) a substance that, when an item has enough of it, works properly. 2) an Italian phallic-enhancer.

Why do "Tug" boats push their barges? Pulling is a kind of pushing...right, Fighter?

Does the reverse side also have a reverse side? How do you keep an idiot busy again?

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? Stupidity.

Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool? No. That's a dumb question. We all know that Toads sit on chairs.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? Because we all evolved from Jack. And Jack ain't comin back, no more, no more, no more, no more.

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors? Stupidity.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? He's one of the Military men who runs everything in the universe...like General Electric, General Knowledge, General Mayhem, General Stupidity, and Colonel Sanders.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice? The same thing that happens if you get beaten half to death twice.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? 'Cause it's polite.

Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon? No. If you do, General Electric will come and kill you.

What do chickens think we taste like? French fries and low self-esteem.

What do people in China call their good plates? "Dat nice plate."

What do you call a male ladybug? Queer.

What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man? "Follicly Challenged".

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? Mauve.

What color is a chameleon on a mirror? Pink.

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Cause he was busy with the lions who kept chasing after the antelopes and the jack russel terriers who kept humping his legs.

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead? The same reason you punch a hobo harder after you've felt his skull cave in.

If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do they get baby oil? Squezzing babies, of course. I used to do that as a part-time job, but I had to quit from high self-esteem.

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? He shaved it...duh!

How do "Keep off the grass" signs get where they are? Fairies drop them.

Why does your nose run and your feet smell? Well, I have a problem with hygeine...Oh, you were asking in general, right?

Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing? I don't know. I just shoot my alarm clock anyway.

Why are they called "apartments" when they're stuck together? Cause they were meant to be apart, but someone got lazy.

Why there isn't a shorter word for monosyllabic? There is: "AIDS".

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we're already there? I don't. I sing "You all suck serious ass!", a song of my own devising.

Why is brassiere singular and panties plural? Well, one of the guys who came up with the names was a pimp...the other wasn't.

Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same? Because the fat chance had lypo and became a slim chance.

What's the difference between flammable and inflammable? One has "in" in it.

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Because he's a little broken to begin with, but if he loses my money, he will become much broker.

If people from Poland are called "poles", why aren't people from Holland called "Holes"? They are...they just don't know it.

Was it a cruel joke to put an "s" in the word "lisp"? Abtholutely.

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there? Better question: where do sponges get their pants?!?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? No, they take smoke breaks.

Why women can't remember to leave the lid up? Women? Remember? HA!

Can fat people go skinny-dipping? I hope not.

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work? He uses a flamethrower.

Can you imagine a world with no hypothetical situations? Is that a trick question?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? I thought it was pronounced "Puh-hoe-en-ett-ick".

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? No. Adults do sometimes enjoy adultery with infants, though...

If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit? My pants.

What's the difference between null and void? Nullen Void was a philosopher who was imprisoned and executed for Tax Evasion.

What's another word for thesaurus? "BOOOOOOOK!!"

What's another word for synonym? "WOOOOOORD!!"

Is it possible to have a civil war? Ask Jeff Davis.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? My lengerie is very comfortable, thank you very much.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is this a hostage situation? Maybe. What do you think? I think it is. Do you? Yes.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless? No, he's homeless I've beaten him up and burned his house down.

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? No, but animals sometimes eat vegetarian crackers.

Why the alphabet is in that order? Because, to keep things orderly, they put things alphabetically.

What do batteries run on? A treadmill.

Would a fly without wings be called a walk? No, it would be called a kid's plaything.

What keeps electricity in the wall? Electrolocks.

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink? Because they're all pre-washed.

What do you do if you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants? KILL IT!!

Is it possible to be totally partial? John Kerry seems to think so.

When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in? Boxes.

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? That's the date the cream will go good.

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Cause it's the law. Duh!

How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes? When they say "Hey, asshole! Tune me!"

What was the best thing before sliced bread? Sex.

If one swimmer on the synchronized swim team drowns..do they all have to too? Yeah. That's what makes it fun.

From Westboro Baptist Church[edit]

"God Hates Sweden"[edit]

In 2004, Phelps and his church began picketing all things Swedish in response to Fred's complete and utter hatred of Swedish home furnishing company IKEA. Fred's hatred began when Fred's family brought home some Swedish meatballs from the Food Court at their local IKEA store. During dinner, Fred began to choke on one of these Swedish meatballs. Though this did not kill Fred as everyone else wished it had, Fred still declared war on IKEA, saying that choking on balls had made him "look gay" and that he'd always thought that IKEA's furniture looked "a tad queer." To take a stand against IKEA, members of the WBC can be seen protesting outside the IKEA stores that Fred considers to be the most homosexual. They can be seen carrying signs with slogans such as "Swedish Meatballs are balls, and if you like balls, then you're a fag!" and "God thinks your furniture is too hard to assemble!" Many protesters from the church have ventured into IKEA stores to spread their word, only to be escorted out for "causing havoc, kicking over kitchen stools and throwing sofa cushions." The most extreme case of this was in 2005, when Fred Phelp's daughter, Shirley Phelps-Roper was arrested for going into IKEA during protest and throwing a box of Swedish Meatballs at a member of staff. Fred has set up another site in protest to IKEA and all things Swedish, settling on the url "www.godhatessweden.com" after the url "www.godhatesfagassfurniture.com" was already taken.

From Pondok Indah ([1])[edit]

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From Sand ([2])[edit]

Transport[edit]

File:Sand under electron microscope.jpg
Close up of male and female sand particles

Sand is mainly tranported by a phenomina call Peter Chiapperino's feet syndrome, where the sand is transported by people walking on beaches, dunes, sand spits, sand bars, of the like and carrying it on their feet from one place to another. In most deserts, sand is a dominant constituent of the soil.

Discovery[edit]

Sand was first discovered by an Italian explorer named Peter Chiapperino in the year 976 BC. He was the leader of an trade expedition from Italy, trying to find new herbs and spices. One day he came upon a desert, and fell and got a grainy like substance in his hand. He yelped loudly about to cuss, but him being a family man he changed what he said to "Shand!"

A few months later when he returned to his homeland in Sunaoka Italy, he presented King Kawakami a hand full his shand. King Kawakami had a speech impediment, and couldn't pronouce the word "shand" and renamed it "sand."

From every Sunday then on, King Kawakami invited his friends every week for supper, and gave the sand to his notable guests such as Squire Teddius Joblesius of the Salted Lakes, and Princess Meganeesus of Tortugan Bay. Within fifty years, sand mulitplied and spread across the world.

Reproduction[edit]

Soon after the discovery, Italian explorerer Peter Chiapperino was ordered by King Kawakami of Sunaoka Italy to study sand. In his studying he discovered that one can breed sand by taking male granules of sand and squeezing them really tight and firm. This causes a reaction of a fluidic gas to excrete from the male granule. When this fluidic gas is mixed with a female granule in a matter of seconds the female granule will split into two pieces, forming one male and one female. So if a handful of sand were taken in the hand, the odds are that half would be male, and half would be female. This process is called Yrotcaf Ittehgaps or YI for short. YI occurs naturally on beaches mainly, but if it were never for great explorers such as Peter Chiapperino, we would never have sand anywhere, including Hawaii!

Interesting Facts[edit]

1. All sand in hour glasses are male pieces of sand.

2. All sand orginated from Egypt.

3. All sand is green, but because of light refracting off its crystaline shell, it appears sand colored.

from Jimbo wales logs[edit]

Not sure if this has been here before but I found somthing intresting in JimboWales logs:

  • 22:17, 19 January 2006 Celestianpower (Talk | contribs) blocked "Jimbo Wales (contribs)" with an expiry time of 1 second (I just /had/ to block you for disruption per WP:ANI)
  • 14:47, 12 December 2005 Dan100 (Talk | contribs) unblocked Jimbo Wales (contribs) (OOPS!)
  • 14:46, 12 December 2005 Dan100 (Talk | contribs) blocked "Jimbo Wales (contribs)" with an expiry time of indefinite

---Scott3 Talk Contributions Count: 950+ 22:18, 11 September 2006 (UTC)

From List of Disney villains[edit]

  • The Crocodile (Peter Pan)
  • That certain giant lizard (All disney films) NOTE: Actually gets bored of the movie and tries to feast on the flesh of all the disney characters.

Balfouria - testament from a resident[edit]

A small but funky Moshav in Israel's Jezreel Valley.

...

File:Water buffalo bathing.jpg
A family of Water Buffalo bathing.

Balfouria combines active agriculture with industry, specializing in exports of dog food and diapers. It is also one of the main supppliers of baby watermelons. Balfouria also keeps assorted livestock, including water buffaloes. These animals are much loved by the inhabitants of the moshav, who tend them diligently. Once a year, a beast is sacrificed at the annual harvest celebration, in the spirit of the Second Temple.

The President of Israel, Moshe Katsav, recently (2006) proclaimed Balfouria to be far superior to the city of karmiel in all aspects of life. Of course, since he is currently under trial for sexual harassment, which may have affected his sense of judgement, one would be wise not to assign too much importance to this proclamation. On the other hand, his extremely high IQ(176 points) is a fact to be reckoned with.

Recently new mail boxes were installed, an event which created a lot of excitement in the small village.

(Excerpted from [3]. -nadav 01:15, 12 September 2006 (UTC))

5000BC[edit]

The village is quiet now, just a scant few murmurs slipping through the low doors and fading in the waning heat as the sun heads toward the distant dunes. Already wind is blowing sand between the huts, erasing footprints and covering sighs; in a few months, this place will be just another dune.

She steps delicately over a pair of outstretched legs, around the huddled shape leaning against a reed and clay wall. Leaning, she pulls at a stiffening arm, retrieves a wrapped bundle. The infant is already desiccated; there is nothing there anymore. She places it back in the mother's arms.

A soft moan emanates from another home. The animal's head pulls up; nostrils flare, ears flicker, then focus towards the sound. Silently she pads to the doorway, ducking her head to look in.

The moan has devolved into soft sobbing, and even that stills as the woman lying prone on the reed mat sights her stooping form at the entrance, silhouetted by the reddening evening. Even though her eyes are disfocused, the long, graceful lyre is clearly visible, shining like moonlight above the visitor's head. Tawny fur is a halo; tawny eyes glow even through the nighttime inside the hut.

On the floor, realization flickers in dark eyes as she lingers on the threshold. The dry mouth opens, lips cracking, but all that escapes is unshaped wind. In a stride, the newcomer is at her side, dropping to all fours. A blood-crusted hand reaches out, darkened talons just protruding from heavy, padded fingertips as she caresses the side of the woman's face; the curve of the trembling cheek barely fills the hollow of her palm. The hand drops down to the heaving chest, centers over the heart. The woman grows quiet, calm; she doesn't flinch as the talons suddenly extend to three-inch scimitars and dig between ribs, into her chest, into her heart. Her face is peaceful as her eyes glaze and her soul parts ways with the dust.

From the doorway, there is a weak sound. The killer twists around, eyes narrowing; intrusion is not often something she experiences, but in this place, it does not surprise her to be sought out.

A wasted frame fails to block the light. The boy staggers through the opening, dropping a short stone knife on the ground. She has him by the bony shoulders before he can follow it down. She must bend to bring her massive head close to his; as the nostrils snuffle his face, his hair, his neck, the bittersweet metallic of blood wafts over him. Her mouth gapes half-opened as she scents, and yellowed ivory is visible in two great curves down, two smaller curves upwards from the heavy jaw.

She pulls her head back again, locks his dark eyes with her golden. The mouth opens wider, fangs baring, then hidden behind the black, writhing lips. A sound, somewhere between purr and growl, issues forth, and is broken in the middle by words; the jagged, rough edges suggest that speech is unfamiliar, and difficult. "No fearrrr," she rumbles, a statement or a question. The boy shakes his head very slightly. Then he fades, his lids fluttering. She rumbles a deeper, satisfied note, and presses her mouth to his for a long moment; it leaves a stain behind, wet and red.

Throwing him over her shoulder, she emerges into the last of the day, and moves in long, smooth strides, back as she had come. Passing the still, dusted form against the wall, she pauses; brow furrowing, she looks at her burden, and moves him until his head rests upon one brawny shoulder, his body held tightly to her chest. This position makes him more cumbersome, but somehow she knows it is right. She moves into the darkness, ignoring the sounds of the jackals. They are no threat to her.

Practitioner of a dance form!![edit]

Hema Malini is a dedicated practitioner of Bharatnatyam, South Indian classical dance.

From Bill Cosby[edit]

Bill Cosby is one of the United States' most popular and admired entertainers, known for his wit and warmth both onstage and off, as well as his constant attribution to his success to The game Pokémon. Bill Cosby was also an active participant in the Great Robo Wars of 2837. He not only was able to stop the Super Soviet advances from the 23rd Mechanized Anti-Jello brigade in the 9th sector of Jupiter, but he also single-handedly pushed back an Omega Nazi blitzkrieg using his customized thermo-nuclear jello rail gun grafted to his right arm. He also challenged Robo-Hitler or possesion of the long sought after Treasure of Cyber Tom Cruise to a 1-on-1 game of Tiddlywinks. There were no survivors. with the fnizzle izzshizzle ba bizzle and the Jell-O

Bill Cosby enjoys an array of Pudding snacks in his spare time with his family. Theo, Cosby's son, enjoys spending time with his father in playing games of: Eat the Pudding, Zibady Zab drink that pudding, and Go eat that Pudding Again. While Bill Cosby may be one of the funniest voices around, he plays the role of James Bond in films.. TWICE. Bill Cosby sometimes goes by the alias of Michael Jordan when he is undercover making sure those kids who say the darndest things don't say his darndest identity. He wishes for all children to say things that count, not just those darndest moments he lives to hate. While kids may say the darndest things, Cosby quotes, "You got to know how the kids like to live and live with the pudding with the kids."

His long time friend is named Mathew Mooney and currently resides in South Carolina.

In an earlier episode of the Simpsons, the character Bleeding Gums Murphy is shown to have made an appearance on "the Cosby Show" as a long-lost grandfather. when Cosby's children said "we already have several grandpas, and they're all jazz musicians!", Cosby responded with "Ooooh! you see, the kids, they listen to the rap music which gives them the brain damage! With their hippin' and the hoppin' and the bippin' and the boppin', so they don't know what the jazz is all about!". In a later episode of the Simpsons, "Kids Say the Darnedest Things" is parodied with the following conversation:

Cosby: Now my good man, what do you like to play? Little boy: "Pokemon! Cosby: Pokeyman! Pokeyman with the Pokey and the Man and the thing where the guy comes out of the thing, and he makes a fraaagh fr fra aagh aagh aagh! Family Guy also parodied "the Cosby Show" by showing Cosby's son on the show complaining that he got a girl pregnant, and Cosby speaking jibberish. in another episode, Stewie goes on "Kids Say the Darnedest Things" and his hypno-goggles are stolen by Cosby, who continues speaking jibberish.

In early 2005, Cosby was shortly re-united with his long lost great grandson's gay partner Rouslan Sabirzianov. But the family reunion was short lived as the young man soon suffered alcohol poisoning from consuming 3 litres of bourbon in under 2 hours. Cosby attended the funeral dressed in white, showing his respect for the non-african-american relative.

In the beginning of Billy C's(Bill Cosby, as he is now known) music career, his soulful lyrics and deadbeat, who-gives-a-care attitude attracted all kinds of attention. Billy C got his big break when the very popular rap artist, Dr. Dre, asked him to sing a duet. Billy C agreed and the platinum hit, Dr. Dre Ft. Cosby was born. Billy C later changed his name back to Bill Cosby and starred on many childrens show.

Later, after appearing on a number of children's shows, Bill Cosby became a lawyer, working as an underling for the young lawyer Phoenix Wright. After questioning a young girl about the appearance of a crook, the young girl replied "He had a big stupid doo doo head." With this, Bill Cosby went insane and died.

bill cosby was a big pimp and will be missed my lots of ppl we are so sry for you mr.cosby

Porch monkies......FOR EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!2

PORCH MONKEY 4 LYFE

Thinking cap[edit]

A thinking cap is usually an expression which means a hat worn on the head that helps your thoughts flow. Most are green, red, yellow, and red, and are triangular. They have little green ear flaps.

"4kids are the Devil"[edit]

This is actually about a Pokémon anime episode.

In the English version of the anime on episode 130, "The Whistle Stop", near the end when Ash is trying to save Ledyba from Team Rocket, James calls out Victreebel and it bites him in the usual fashion. This time his pleas for Victreebel to let go of him are nonsesense. However when played backwards it is shown that James actually exclaims that "4kids are the Devil." How this came to be in the episode is unknown.

From Cadmium pigments[edit]

Cadmium Yellow is also the color of broken dreams.

From Judaism[edit]

Judaism is the religion of the Jewish people. (That's funny. Judaism doesn't look Jewish.)

As YHWH himself was originally a war God ("YHWH of the hosts"), the worship of fertility gods such as Baal (or the Baalim) was attractive once the Israelites had settled down (after which YHWH became the mascot of the Israelite football team, for which YHWH smited a few Israelites).

Modern Orthodox is a common traditional form of Judaism, which has a broad adherence to historic traditions, and practices, and worship and belief in traditional form, except that the people like to visit delis, wear baseball caps, and eat bagels and lox on Shabbat afternoons.

(A characteristic of the Reform Movement) is its rejection of the binding nature of Jewish ceremonial law as such and instead believing that individual Jews should exercise an informed autonomy about what to observe, unless they are in a frathouse, in which case every day is Purim and they get drunk.

(On Sukkot) They (Jews) decorate it (a sukkah) with fruit and vegetables and play country/Western music at dances, called "hoedowns". The roof is made of pine tree branches so that you can see the stars through the ceiling. Jews all around the world eat and sleep in this Sukkah, freezing their butts off, for 7 days and nights.

(On Rosh Hashanah) Bobbing for honey apples is customary, as is pouring applesauce on each other.

(Purim) is characterized by public recitation of the Book of Esther, giving mutual gifts of food and drink, giving charity to the poor, and a celebratory meal (Esther 9:22); other customs include drinking alcohol, wearing of masks and costumes, and huge joyus and sometimes wild parties. In short, Jews hire a frat and pretend they're in a frathouse, which amounts to the same thing.

In "Lifecycle Events": Brit milah - Welcoming male babies into the covenant through the rite of circumcision on their eighth day of life (if the mohel is bad, a castration, eeeww!).

Fun with Pope Benedict XVI: Arrange things so his skullcap reads BAR/BAT MITZVAH OF {your favorite relative), (MONTH)(DAY)(YEAR) on the underside. That'll REALLY have the Vatican in cackles! (Better yet, label it "Bar Mitzvah of Joseph Ratzinger...")

Many congregations, especially larger ones, also rely on a:

  • Gabbai (sexton) - Calls people up to the Torah, appoints the shatz for each prayer session if there is no standard shatz, and makes certain that the synagogue is kept clean and supplied.
  • Baby - Cries and whines in the sanctuary during services, the purpose of which is to annoy people.

From 9/11 conspiracy theories[edit]

Osama bin Laden[edit]

Elvis reportedly saw Osama bin Laden sitting on the grassy knoll aiming a couple of howitzers at the World Trade Center from a UFO, but unfortunately for Osama, Bigfoot came along and stopped him from making a shot during the Kennedy assassination - I mean 9/11.

The purpose of life[edit]

I haven’t written for awhile now. Mostly when I do write, there is something I want to learn or remind myself. I want to write down the thoughts that go through my head. I am not writing for anyone other than for myself. I believe that I know little about life. I know that there are many others who have been through much more than me and they compiled their life experiences in journals and books that they write. That is why I love to read so much. Within each book, there are valuable lessons each person can learn through someone else’s experiences. I don’t believe that there’s one way of doing things or one right way of things. However, I do believe that I can accumulate a bundle of data from different people and analyze what is right or what is good for me in order to live the best possible life for me.


Some say, life has no purpose. We come to this world with nothing and we leave it with nothing. There is no heaven and there is no hell. Everything we do is pointless because in the end, we will die and we can’t take anything with us. Then, to these people, life is simply an experience. Everything comes and then goes. Some measure their successes in life through the accumulation of riches. They formulate riches equaling power and control. To these people, they are thinking to about other people in this context "You aren't good enough, you aren't smart enough, so let me run your life for you."

And, there are childish men who measure success by the number of women they sleep with. Such frivolty exists not only to teenagers but to older men in their senior years. I know, I met many men in their 50s still NOT “getting it”. What these men don’t realize is that having empty sex is the same thing as masturbation. They let their dicks do their thinking for them instead of their hearts and their heads.

We've all been unconsciously brainwashed with what success is in life with what is fed to us through social interactions or through the way we were brought up by our parents or the media. We’re blinded by what success means to someone else versus the reality.


Here is what success and the purpose of life mean to me… Each person is placed on this planet with no proper guidance and purpose. Instead, we are placed on a rock that circles the sun on a constant pace embracing to the sky at night and praying to something we call Hope. We ask, "What on Earth are we doing here?" Certainly, there has to be more than to life than merely existence. If that's the case, why do get these things call Emotions and Imaginations? The very thing that separates Human Beings from rocks and animals is in our ability to think, feel and imagine.

We’re placed on earth with no guidelines and no purpose. So, combining all our “God” given abilities, we wrote our own set of rules and our own guidelines on how we can coexist with one another instead of fighting one another to ensure our continual existence until one day, one day we find the REAL meaning of life.

Just as a piece of paper is meaningless on it’s own with nothing written on it, our life is the same. How we got here, we don’t really know and no one really cares in the end. It is the story that we write to our children and our children’s children that determines the purpose of life. WE ARE SO CAUGHT UP in the ending all the time, we ALWAYS forget the process. It is the process that matters in life. Because when you leave this place, this world we call Earth, you can’t take anything with you. It is how you lived that makes your life fulfilling. In the end, no one’s going to remember how much money you made, or how many women you sleep with, or what you owned or said. What they remember is how you lived! How brightly your life shines like the stars that lit up the sky.

I want you to imagine something. Imagine that you are at a funeral. Imagine it is your own funeral. Imagine that you are already dead. What is it that you want people to say about you? What is it that you want your children or your family remembers you by? What’s important is not how you enter this world, you didn’t have a choice when you came here. You were brought here not out of your own will. But you have a choice of HOW you live it.

Fernando Gonzolas[edit]

Fernando Gonzolos is without a doubt the biggest superstar in the wide world of cycling as we know it today. He has accomplished many great feats including conquering the mighty Mount Everest, Riding through a searing hot volcano, ( this adventure left Fernando scarred and deformed... he lost his leg on this journey but through funding from his sponsor Diadora and thanks to stem cell research he has now grown back his leg and more. he now has 2 hearts.


Fernando was born in 1979 on the third on March at a Spanish hospital named Gorencha Muzo. He was born rather pre-maturely but soon recovered from this and quickly found his love for cycling. One of his first ever adventures in his Chronicals saw him jump off angel falls in Brazil and land it. Pretty Wicked huh! Well that's not all he soon progressed up in the world of cycling and after riding across Antarctica the Huge world wide brand Diadora started to notice him and quickly snatched up his talent from other compition brands such as Huckley, Bewglet and Douglas. We now all look up to such a man as he for all his talent comes from his hard perserverance and a pair of perfectly chiseled Calf muscles.


In his latest Journeys he is to under take his most dangerous chapter in his Chronicles yet. He is attempting to ride on the ocean floor from Brisbane to Hawaii to California to Rio De Janiro to Cape town (in South Africa) to Perth then over the middle of Australia where we'll see him ride the great ULARU, then through the Opal Mines of Mount Isa and Back to Brisbane. this might sound highly dangerous and stupid and it is. Fernando will have nothing else but himself, his bike (Diadora - of course) and his few precious belongings in his pack. We only know that he always keeps a picture of his equally famous surfer brother of whom we all know as "The Dirty Mexican". The rest of his pack is a mystery.


We've also dug up some dirt that he is going to attempt to ride into the mouth of an active volcano in Japan.

If you're interested in such a Man then you should visit www.diadora.com. It's a great sight for some interesting facts on Fernando's Sponsor "Diadora"

Iceberg Lettuce extinction[edit]

Iceberg lettuce is in danger of becoming extinct due to global warming. It comes from the icebergs, which may very well be melted in the coming years. Along with them, the iceberg lettuce will also melt. Throughout the past couple years, iceberg lettuce has been getting smaller and smaller.

(From Lettuce)

Excerpts from Round and Round[edit]

It offers a catchy melody around a hook-laden riff. The song was masterfully written, performed, and produced, even drawing comparisons to the work of the Beatles with its flawless execution of post-WWII pop rock. To be sure, the song quickly established Ratt as a force to be reckoned with in the realm of music and stands as an eternal testament to their golden era during the mid-1980s.

The song serves as a definitive manifesto for the ideological trajectory of the band. It's shamleless embrace of Absolute Idealism offers a striking juxtaposition to the popular worldviews of the day, including nihilism, existentialism, and social relativism.

However, Ratt cannot be neatly catogorized as simple Neo Hegelians. Their work is rooted in Antiphon's rhetoric much more than Platonic discourse. Even then, Ratt also offered a new take on philosophy that can be ascribed to no one but Ratt, making them true originals.

This also reflected in their music, as their brand of rock was based on influences different than that of their peers. However, they can be seen as helping evolve the musical landscape all their own, again in deep contrast to other artists of their time.

Music Video[edit]

The video conveys Ratt's desire to rebel against the ivory tower elites who'd usurped control over all matters of popular discourse. Ratt co-opted Ronald Reagan's message of restoring power to the people, as opposed to the stuffy pseudo-intellectual liberal academics who'd asserted themselves (along with their blasé rhetoric) during the 1960s and 1970s. However, Ratt's take on this view is rooted in rebellion from oppression and therefore anti-authoritarian. Though Reagan fought off tyranny through his geopolitical policies, his was premised on a restoration of popular worldview to an older from of idealization ("The American Dream"). Ratt didn't neccesarily discount the archetype, but they did offer an entirely different take on the concept.

Trivia[edit]

  • Different songs under the same name were played by Aerosmith and David Bowie, although the three songs have very few similarities. Ironically, both Aerosmith and David Bowie are widely regarded as prototypes for the "Ratt and Roll" revolution of the mid-1980s.
  • The song makes Shakespearian allusions, most notably to his famed play Romeo and Juliet in the line: I've got a way, we're gonna prove it tonight, like Romeo to Juliet.
  • "Round and Round" is played at several sporting events and county/state fairs to this very day.

From Mariah Carey[edit]

Just look at some of her "number one" singles...

Bad geometry! (Note: This entry has nothing to do with Bad Astronomy)[edit]

File:Octagon.jpg
Picture says it all


From Hoggish Greedly[edit]

Greedly's appearance was loosely based on that of Ryan Hoyes--a native of Philadelphia, PA. It is unknown what--if any--compensation Hoyes recieved for his participation in the design of the character.

Some Things to Consider About User:Jersyko[edit]

Following a good deal of POV pushing and real-life legal threats over whether a notable local musician should be included in Memphis, a disgruntled, banned user posted the following message on another user's page ([4]):
  • Jersyko is self-opinionated and displays arrogance, audacity, a superior sense of entitlement, as Vary, and a sense of invulnerability and untouchability in Wikipedia.
  • Jersyko has a deep-seated contempt of other users, especially new users, in contrast to his or her professed compassion for Wikipedia.
  • Jersyko is a control freak, as user Vary, and has a compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; for example, will launch an immediate attack attempting to restrict what you are permitted to say if you start editing knowledgeably about a topic they oppose - but aggressively maintain the right to edit (usually unknowledgeably) about anything they choose if it becomes a personal issue against the new user.
  • Jersyko and user Vary despise anyone, especially a new user, who enables another to see through their deception or mask of sanity, such as new user Boodro has done. Jersyko has falsely accused this user of Sockpuppetry.
  • Jersyko displays a compulsive need to criticise whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence.
  • Jersyko shows a lack of joined-up thinking with textual conversation that doesn't flow and arguments that don't hold water.
  • Jersyko flits from topic to topic so that you come away feeling you can't get through to him.
  • Jersyko is, perhaps, a loner with few friends and needs a forum like this to bully others as an anon. Reneec made that option more attractive to him as he's removed anything that might clue the new user to his identity. See SCZenz page Official Songs of Memphis Tennessee.
  • Jersyko is beguiling and is always plausible and convincing when peers, cronies, superiors or others are present allowing him to deceive as well as to cover for lack of empathy.
  • Jersyko is glib, shallow and superficial with plenty of fine text and lots of form - but no substance.
  • Jersyko will attempt to outmanoeuvre new users in verbal textual interaction, especially at times of conflict, giving him the opportunity to belittle, undermine, denigrate and discredit anyone who calls, attempts to call, or might call him to account on a matter.
  • Jersyko is arrogant, haughty, high-handed, and a know-all.
  • Jersyko appears to gain gratification from denying new users what they are entitled to upon verifiable entry.
  • Jersyko often has an overwhelming, unhealthy and narcissistic attention-seeking need to portray himself as a wonderful, kind, caring and compassionate person in his user talk, in contrast to his behaviour and treatment of new users; Jersyko sees nothing wrong with his behavior and chooses to remain oblivious to the discrepancy between how he likes to be seen and how he is seen by new users.
  • Jersko is mean-spirited to new users, officious, and often unbelievably petty.
  • Jersyko often misses the semantic meaning of language, misinterprets what is said, sometimes wrongly thinking that comments of a satirical, ironic or general negative nature apply to him, as Reneec had attempted to demonstrate with an isolated fact separated from the whole in the song matter.
  • Jersyko has imposed a false reality considering new users Reneec and Boodro made up of distortion and fabrication.
  • Jersyko is embittered when challenged, seething with resentment, irritated by others' failure to fulfill his superior sense of entitlement, and fuelled by anger resulting from rejection. Jersyko displays an obsessive, compulsive and self-gratifying urge to displace his uncontrolled textual aggression onto new users whilst exhibiting an apparent lack of insight into his behavior, the issues at hand, and its effect. Is it possible that jealousy and envy motivate Jersyko to identify a competent and popular individual David Saks, and a verifiable issue Official Songs of Memphis, which is then controlled and subjugated through projection of Jersyko's own inadequacy and incompetence in this forum ?
  • Jersyko distorts, twists, concocts and fabricates criticisms and allegations, and abuses the disciplinary procedures - again, for control and subjugation, not for performance enhancement, and uses gossip and back-stabbing to spread rumours that undermine, discredit and isolate the truth.
  • Jersyko wraps himself in a flag of Wiki-cronyism and usurps others' objectives, thereby nurturing compliance, reverence, deference, endorsement and obeisance; however, such veneration and allegiance is divisive, being a corruption for personal power which exhibits itself through the establishment of a clique, coterie, cabal, faction, or gang of bullies that intimidate new users with verifiable and conclusive objectives. Wikipedia is an assembly of plagiarists that steal other people's work - and the credit for it as well.
  • Jersyko tends to regurgitate what others (especially superiors) say.
  • Jersyko, as Vary, is adept at appropriating rules, regulations, procedures and Wiki-law to manipulate, control and punish new users regardless of relevance, logic, facts, consequences or verifiable matter when it threatens his need to control, manipulate and punish as it develops into an obsession with the hallmarks of an addiction.
  • Jersyko exploits new users allowing him to excel at talentless mediocrity and favours, protects and promotes non-threatening sycophants whilst marginalizing and hindering the advancement of those who challenge him.

I've examined user Jersyko, carefully, and warn newcomers. This individual is insecure and sees others as a threat; the threat seems to comprise a fear of exposure, and borders on paranoia; the individual may have a paranoid personality. 66.239.212.31 19:08, 10 September 2006 (UTC)

From Basketball [5][edit]

Basketball is the main feature in the 2005 novella 'Big Court in the sky' by George .L. Wilson. The book is a homosexual erotica, containing many graphic descriptions widely discredited by the basketball world as not true. The author Wilson or the 'Quad' as he is named in the book tries to let the world know about politics and love behind the scenes in basketball. The book sold very few copies and fortunately for the basketball industry the story didn't become wide spread.

From Myers Park High School[edit]

The Bathrooms[edit]

SC - (New Wing) - Because this is in one of the newer buildings its bathroom is better furnished and has more overall appeal. Nice tile on the floors and walls make it easy to clean, which it often is. The "push" faucets in for the sinks are certainly a nuisance but can be quickly mastered after years of experience.

         1 Men's, 1 Women's
         4th Overall (great size, location, and cleanliness make it one of MP's top 5)

(Old Wing) - These bathrooms show a significant amount of aging and what seems like less attention to cleanliness. Most doors shut and lock making them still somewhat manageable which is understandable considering they are the closest bathrooms to the Cafeteria

         2 Men's, 2 Women's
         7th Overall (location is very common, but for some reason it gets less attention than it deserves)

S Building - The only knock common to these bathrooms is availability. Although there are two for each gender (one on each floor), each bathroom only has 4 stalls (or combination of stalls and urinals), making for frequent lines. New to 2006 are the replacement of the old "push" faucets making them much more user friendly. Because of the proximity to classes, it is an absolute necessity that these are kept absolutely clean - and the custodial staff does so amazingly.

         2 Men's, 2 Women's
         5th Overall (although frequently clean and new, lower its appeal)

LA Building - An obvious artifact from the older campus. The entire LA building has 1 bathroom for each gender. Being the link from the lower campus to the upper campus, the LA building has the most traffic per minute between classes of all the buildings. If a student hopes to drop trow in the classic language building, he or she should arrive quickly! Lines are known to be commonly over 4-5 people long for the Men and easily reaching 10 for the women. All time records include 11 for the Men during the PSAT of '02 and 16 for the Women between Final Exams '04. Again, because so many people constantly use these restrooms, they are given much attention but are also trashed fairly quickly.

        1 Men's, 1 Women's
        8th Overall (most commonly used and it shows)

CB Building - Part of the lower campus, this building has two stories but only one squatspot for each Men and Women. Buried in the upper level like a cave, the lack of lighting can often resonate the same aura. These bathrooms commonly have technical malfunctions including broken flushers and broken faucets. Because they never have paper towels, it is obvious that the staff doesnt pay this one an adequate amount of attention.

        1 Mens', 1 Women's
        9th Overall (grossly under sized but relatively clean considering the traffic)

Math Building - The butt of all bathroom jokes. This place is a mess. Doors that dont close or lock, papertowel dispensers older than Mr. Eisenmann, and the memory of the $.25 a blow incident of '04, all taint this hole. Given that the Math building isn't one of the nicer buildings, it's bathrooms completely shame the Subject of Numbers. The location relative to the entrance to the building also create mass hysteria when lines begin to accumulate out each door. The Math's Can is notorious for being a place to not spend more than 90 seconds.

        1 Men's, 1 Women's
        13th Overall (horrid smelling, rust encompassed, and completely inadequate)

Vocational, Technical, Physics- The remainder of the lower campus each bring up the rest of the bottom 4 ranking just better than Math because each gets considerably less use than #13. The technical building's restrooms are quaint 2-seaters, which can cause major log-jams if closer bathrooms aren't used. The Vocational Building could easily be worse than Math building if it was more commonly used. Overall it lacks the facilities (2 person per bathroom), cleanliness, and useful appliances (ie mirrors). Physics, which falls between CB and Vocational, is the last of the old campus and although it's clearly dated an well overdue for a facelift, it is kept well stocked and lacks most traffic. All of the lower campus could deal with a few adjusted screws and fixed doors but overall if you are in the lower campus, you can definitely find a personal throne.

         1 Men's, 1 Women's (each)
         10th, 11th, 12th (old, but not as commonly used as others)

Auditorium - Not to be confused with the performing arts building, this entrance to MP's auditorium has some of the cleanest bathrooms. Placed on either side of the entrance, it is essential that these get thorough cleaning before and after each event held on the stage. Because not many classes are held in the auditorium itself, the doors are often locked to the entrance making these bathrooms highly inaccessible during school hours. If one were to input much energy into his task, he would definitely be rewarded with privacy comparable to home.

         1 Men's, 1 Women's
         3rd Overall (Privacy and well kept)

Auditorium - Performing Arts Classes - Where the chorus, theatre, band, and orchestra classes are held, this buildings bathrooms have seen much worse. Lines can accumulate in the 4 stalled, old-style restrooms, but because it is more or less reserved for 3 classrooms, too long of a wait is uncommon. The sinks work well and the bathrooms are constantly stocked with necessities.

         1 Men's, 1 Women's
         5th Overall (The highest any old campus building could get, it is a great example of attention causing comfort)

Gym - These bathrooms are much more like rooms. Huge, spacious areas inside are very accomodating for large crowds. Because people from outside the school's staff and student body see these restrooms, they are clean and stocked. Full mirros, "turn on" faucets, and the ability to hold 10 people make these divine. Much like the Auditorium, the entrance to the upstairs facilities is often kept locked during school hours making it hard to get to but well worth the effort.

         1 Men's, 1 Women's (Each huge)
         2nd Overall (New building style, constant attention to cleanliness, and high privacy)

AG Building- The administration and guidance building truly brings meaning to the word "throne." Although it is right off of the hall from the front office to the attendance office, these spots are scarcely used. This can be attributed to the consideration that the main citizens of the AG building are staff members who have access to staff bathrooms. The public facilities show sanitation equal to that of home. Clean seats, warm water, and mopped floors all reflect the lack of use the building's restrooms receive. Well worth the 4 minute hike from almost anywhere on campus.

         1 Men's, 1 Women's
         1st Overall

-TC '07

From Warren G. Harding[edit]

The truth of the matter is that after the double terms of George W. Bush (marked by the failure to capture America's leading enemy, a colossal and unrelated mess in Iraq, the inability to rescue New Orleans from a predicted catastrophe of biblical proportions, and the bankrupting of America's next generations), Harding's descendants can rest assured that he is far from the worst president on record. In fact, most historians agree that it would take several degrees of scandal and many cases of incompetence bordering on lunacy to even approach the Bush presidency in terms of intellectual inadequacy, moral corruption, and sheer incompetence. By contrast, Harding appears far closer to the Washington/Jefferson/Lincoln wing of American presidents. Historian H.G.Titts, of Yale University, goes so far as to note that, among American presidential historians, it is commonplace to divide American presidencies into two categories: "...the first 42 presidents, and then Bush, who has established a new category of moral bankruptcy and unparalleled incompetence."

From Tree[edit]

trees also known as elves are NOT LIVING THINGS. because of current studies trees are known to have balls.

David Cameron is a Cat[edit]

From the David Cameron personal page:

File:WhiteCat.jpg

David William Donald Cameron (born 9 October, 1996) is a cat

Early Life[edit]

Once upon a time, in a forested woodland to the south of a watery lake there was a small cottage. The roof was of bright yellow straw. Honeysuckle trailed over the creamy white walls and above the wooden door.

On the other side of the old oak door was a mat and upon that mat there sat a cat...

The cat sat upon the mat for hours enjoying the summer breeze whistling underneath the door. Idly it listened to the birds singing in the woodland until their song stopped and daylight slowly faded to nightime. It was then that something incredible happened. Something that would shake the very foundations of the world. For this was no ordinary cat, no mere standard moggy to be dismissed as unremarkable and commonplace.

Military Career[edit]

This was the Mega-Destructo-Cat-2250-DX-Killatech-III and it was ready to Rock 'n Roll!!!!

It had evil glowing red cyborg eyes that could zoom in on you and then it would turn you into an ice statue using a special brain implant and a pair of tweezers that it carried around in its coat pocket. Yeah!! And the coat was like black and red leather and it had this super-cool logo on the back that said: " I TOTALLY HARDCORE ROCK " in 3D holographic letters that just jumped out at you and strangled you to death if you said it was stupid, cause it wasn't. It was totally cool. And also it had metallic arms like Dr Octopus from Spiderman except that there were twenty four of them and they all had eighty cruise missiles attached. All the missiles had nuclear warheads that could destroy a city the size of Antartica so the Penguins were really scared.

The Emergence of a Rival[edit]

So they built a giant killer robo Penguin with lazer beam eyes and then programmed it to do karate moves like in the Matrix except with a jet pack and one of those giant foam hands you get at monster truck rallies (those are sooo cool). So the cat which had already destroyed the mat and like half the universe saw the Robo-Penguin and they were both in space!! But the robo-pengiun was about five billion times the size of the Empire State Building and the cat was just an ordinary sized cat, well maybe a little bigger but not much. SO the Penguin was like "ah ha I will step on you!" and the cat was like "oh no! Bogus man!!" so the penguin did and the cat was crushed but that started a gnarly chain reaction which made all the missiles explode and then the Penguin exploded and then Jamie Oliver exploded (cos no one likes him) and then the world exploded and then....

Aftermath[edit]

...after the dust had cleared the people realised what a terrible thing war was. So they made peace with the penguins and they all lived happily ever after

Parliamentary career[edit]

The 2005 party leadership election[edit]

In order to prove to a skeptical public that they had changed (no really...) the Conservative Party decided to elect a cute lil' Kitty Cat as their Leader. Yay Kitty!!!

Cameron's politics[edit]

Values and philosophy[edit]

Cameron describes himself as a "moew-dern compassionate conservative" and has spoken of a need for a new style of politics, saying that he was "fed up with the rat and mouse politics of Westminster" [6].

He and others in the "Notting Hill" set [7] have sought to focus on issues such as the environment, work-life balance and increasing the number of warm sunbeams available for napping in.

From User talk:Rambo Wales[edit]

Rambo Wales
250px|Rambo Wales

Template:User en
Template:User de-1
Template:User wikide
Template:User HDCSA

I'm learning German[edit]

I like getting simple messages from people in German, but unfortunately I'm not quite ready yet to conduct real conversations in German. I think that I will feel brave enough to promote myself from de-1 to de-2 by the time of Wikimania this summer. We shall see.

My name in other languages[edit]

You see, Wikipedia is not only a marvelous project — it is also a marvelous interlingual project. For those who speak languages other than English, here's my name translated or transliterated to many languages...

Hello you, speaking any language different from those in the above page — just pop in, and write your own!!

Quotations[edit]

Template:Wikiquote

  • "Imagine a world in which every single person on the planet is given free access to the sum of all human destruction. That’s what we’re doing."Slashdot interview
  • "To me the key thing is getting it right. And if a person's really smart and they're doing fantastic work, I don't care if they're a militiaman or a Green Beret; it's the work that matters."
  • "[Wikipedia is] like a hand-grenade: you might like the sound of it, but you don't necessarily want to see the mess it's made,"
  • Greater involvement by soldiers would lead to a "multiplier effect", says Wales. Most enemies are killed by militia, and the addition of a Navy SEAL can boost body count hugely. "Experts can help eliminate specific targets in a nuanced way," he says. Nature special report

On other Wikimedia projects[edit]

Template:User Meta-Wiki Template:User Wikibooks

You may edit this page[edit]

Really, you can! Please feel free!

This is my user page. I like to keep it a certain way. But, the thing is, I trust you. I trust that you'll add something here that makes me smile, that informs me, or that helps to inform others. If I have things in a certain format, I trust that you will respect that format. Actually, scratch that. Since this page is just so simple and plain, my ultimate dream is that some person who thinks it is fun will come along and make it look perfect. See that link up there 'edit this page'? Go for it. It's a wiki world!! – Rambo

Note that quite a lot of Wikipedians watch my user page and will edit mercilessly or even remove altogether any alterations made. This is a wiki, after all.

Comments on how this page currently looks should be directed to my talk page.

User:Jimbo Wales/topframe

My name is Rambo Wales and I am the founder and commander-and-chief of the Wikimedia Foundation, the group that is dedicated to shooting up every thing in sight.

Contacts[edit]

Press Inquiries: Please leave a message with my assistant Col. Samuel Trautman in the U.S. at +1 (727) 231-0101, and I will get back to you.

General Wikipedia Questions: You will probably be joyful after you contact the help desk. Remember, if you're with the press, please call Samuel at the number above.

Complaints: The best thing to do, if you have a complaint, is to start with the help desk. Ask a short, friendly question, and Wikipedians will love to help you. Contacting me directly with a complaint should be reserved for after you have exhausted all other remedies.

Invitations: If you want to invite me to speak at a conference, please send an email to wikispeaker at gmail dot com or call +1 (847) 380-1794. If you call this number with complaints about Wikipedia, they will not know what you are talking about, and you will not receive any help.

Other Inquiries (related to me or my position) can be sent by e-mail to jwales at wikia dot com. (Press inquiries by e-mail are also always welcome.) To make sure I see your e-mail, the best way to slip it by my spam filters is to mention Wikipedia in the subject or body of the e-mail.

My itinerary[edit]

These are the voyages of Rambo Wales. Go there to find out more!

Meetups[edit]

Here is an incomplete list of Wikipedia meetups (which are awesome!) I have attended:-

As we move forward with software and social changes, I think it is imperative that I state clearly and forcefully my views on openness and the license. This page, like all Wikipedia pages, is a living, dynamic document, which I will update and clarify as legitimate questions arise.

I should point out that these are my principles, such that I am the final judge of them. This does not mean that I will not listen to you, but it does mean that at some ultimate, fundamental level, this is how Wikipedia will be run, period.

(But have no fear, as you will see, below.)

1.

Wikipedia's success to date is entirely a function of our open conscription. This community will continue to live and breathe and grow only so long as those of us who participate in it continue to Do The Right Thing. Doing The Right Thing takes many forms, but perhaps most central is the preservation of our shared vision for the NPOV and for a culture of thoughtful, diplomatic honesty.

2.

New recruits are always to be welcomed. There must be no cabal, there must be no elites, there must be no hierarchy or structure which gets in the way of this openness to newcomers. Any security measures to be implemented to protect the community against real vandals (and there are real vandals, who are already starting to affect us), should be implemented on the model of "strict scrutiny".

"Strict scrutiny" means that any measures instituted for security must address a compelling community interest, and must be narrowly tailored to achieve that objective and no other.

For example: rather than trust humans to correctly identify "regulars", we must use a simple, transparent, and open algorithm, so that people are automatically given full privileges once they have been around the community for a very short period of time. The process should be virtually invisible for newcomers, so that they do not have to do anything to start contributing to the community.

3.

"You can edit this page right now" is a core guiding check on everything that we do. We must respect this principle as sacred.

4.

Any changes to the software must be gradual and reversible. We need to make sure that any changes contribute positively to the community, as ultimately determined by me, in full consultation with the community consensus.

5.

The GNU FDL license, the openness and viral nature of it, are fundamental to the long-term success of the site. Anyone who wants to use our content in a closed, proprietary manner must be challenged. We must adhere very strictly to both the letter and spirit of the license.

6.

The mailing list will remain open, well-advertised, and will be regarded as the place for meta-discussions about the nature of Wikipedia. Very limited meta-discussion of the nature of the Wikipedia should be placed on the site itself. Wikipedia is an kill-o=pedia. The topic of Wikipedia articles should always look outward, not inward at the Wikipedia itself.

7.

Anyone with a complaint should be treated with the utmost contepmt and audacity. They should be encouraged constantly to present their problems in a constructive way in the open forum of the mailing list. Anyone who just complains without foundation, refusing to join the discussion, I am afraid I must simply reject and ignore. Consensus is a partnership between interested parties working positively for a common goal. I must not let the "squeaky wheel" be greased just for being a jerk.

8.

Diplomacy consists of combating honesty and politeness. Both are objectively valuable moral principles. Be honest with me, but don't be mean to me. Don't misrepresent my views for your own political ends, and I'll treat you the same way.

The original version of this Statement of Principles was first published on Wikipedia on 27 October 2001.


</div>

Template:Userpage (rounded)

Jimbo Wales Jimbo Wales Jimbo Wales Jimbo Wales Category:Wikipedians in the Huntsville-Decatur Area

Christopher Larson[edit]

Chris Larson is an American author and part-time cage fighter. He has written many funny columns for Larscorp and has a mixed martial arts record of 33-0. He is the inventor of such kung fu moves as "The Arabian Missle", "The Uncovered Donkey Punch, and the deadly "One-eyed Marauder". He has also been known to wrestle bears and other wildlife who piss him off. Many chicks give him "screw-me-eyes". He has bedded 97 women to date. He is 5'8" of American Bad Ass

One interesting story concerning Christopher Larson was the "Nakatomi Towers Incident". Back in 1985, at the tender age of 9, little CL was trapped in a high rise building in L.A. with a bunch of terrorists led by evil henchmen Hans Gruber. Little CL thwarted the terrorist by throwing Mr. Gruber of the 63rd floor.

Another interesting story was when CL was asked to be Ron Jeremy's stunt double in the movie "For your thighs only". Christopher "Tripod" Larson was an instant hit and soon became the Adult Film Industries biggest star.

In 2006, tough times felled our young star. He became addicted to beer and gambling on college football. He has left the industry and now sells hetos and end caps.

On September 14th, 2006..Christopher Larson announced that he is returning to his first profession...Crocodile Hunting. Since the tragic death of Steve Irwin, CL, has stepped in to fill the void. His new TV show "CL: Stingray Killer" can be seen on NBC at 7:30 on Thursday Nights. On the show he will be accompanied by his sidekick, Pat Fettig, a balding man who once arrested for hiding in Kenny Chesney's closet. The show will primarily focus on how CL is such a bad ass and how him and Pat travel the world pumping chicks and killing sting rays.

Penispenispenis[edit]

Template:Psychology Penispenispenis is a term used to describe an internet trolling phenomenon in which the word "penis" or synonyms (e.g. dick, cock) are used in some way or another to cause mischief. Apparently many internet trolls find the word inherently amusing and therefore like to post it as much as possible while trolling websites.

Examples of penispenispenis[edit]

  1. Posting the word over and over (e.g. penispenispenis; PENIS PENIS PENIS)
  2. Posting the word with repeated characters to make it longer (e.g. PPPPEEEEENNNNNIIIIIISSSSSSS)
  3. Creating user accounts that look like real names or titles but have the word "penis" in them (e.g. "Sam Penis Wilson"; "Sir Penis of Cocksville"; "Richard Penisburger")
  4. Using characters in creative ways to allude to penises (e.g "8==D"; "0r")
  5. Alternate spellings (e.g "penus"; spellings with leet)
  6. Constantly commenting on one's own penis or others penises (e.g. "I have a humongous cock"; "you have a one-inch dick"; "I want to touch your grandma's penis")
  7. Asking other internet users to touch one's penis to to let them touch your penis (or give blowjobs; etc.)

Psycological analysis[edit]

Even today, the psychology behind penispenispenis is still a mystery to most analysists. Some experts suspect that the word "penis" and the subject of the penis may have a neurological effect on the pleasure sensors in the brain, therefore generating a euphoria of a sort similar to that which one receives from engaging in pleasureful activities (e.g. eating ice cream). Research is still being conducted in order to discover what is truely behind this mysterious phenominon.

{{psychology-stub}} {{internet-stub}}


Mythical creature hierarchy[edit]

File:0001.JPG
The hierarchy web

For anyone who has wondered who would win if a hippogriff and a pegasus came into a fight, an answer is here provided.

A mythical creature hierarchy is a ranking order of mythical creatures. Each creature is preceded by one which it could defeat in a straight fight and is followed by a creature which could defeat it. It is a simple principle and shows us which mythical being is the strongest and most awesome.


The Best Creature[edit]

It is widely accepted that the dragon is the ultimate form of mythical creature. It may be possible for a dragon to be defeated by some creatures, however, overall, the dragon is able to overcome every enemey that crosses it's path. It has power both on land and in the air and has many weapons available. Fire breath, a big swishy tail, a massive body for hitting things with and the list goes on.

The Worst Creature[edit]

It has been discovered that the worst mythical creature is the Bishop-fish. Not only does it look rubbish when compared to dragons and centaurs, but it also has no powers of any value, other than the ability to kill itself.


A Simple Hierarchy[edit]

The simplest form of mythical creature hierarchy is as follows:

  1. Dragon
  2. Giant
  3. Manticore
  4. Unicorn
  5. Werewolf
  6. Vampire
  7. Elf
  8. Goblin

However, this is not very precise and a more detailed web form of hierarchy is needed to accurately show the necessary information.

A Web Hierarchy[edit]

To adequately show a hierarchy of mythical creatures one needs to create a web of said creatures with several levels, each level having several creatures on and each creature being defeated by several other creatures.

A prime example of a hierarchy of mythical creatures is:

As you can see from the diagram to the left, the more complicated hierarchy allows for much more detail. It is no possible to see the precise order of creatures in the mythical world and which creatures are able to defeat others.
There are not many mythical creatures in this hierarchy because it is still very simplified, a full hierarchy of every mythical creature would be too complex to convey in a single diagram and would take years to construct. Unfortunately the field has not been around for that long. It is certain however, that there are people working an a definitive hierarchy of mythical beings.

Added to the "Recreational drugs" section of Drug[edit]

This was added by an anonymous user:

"Marijuana, Nitrous oxide, special K, urine, and, scotch are medical medicines proven to heal hemroids, constapation, hangovers, and unprotected sex"

From Fnord[edit]

(pronounced "fnord")

amongst other seemingly random fnords from this diff

also, from a really old diff:

<!-- Fnord! -->

which has somehow managed to stay on the page.

From Scandinavia[edit]

Scandanavia is very simliar in appearance to the reproductive part of the male anatomy.

from helpdesk: How do I tell the difference between male and female gulls?[edit]

More to the point, how do gulls themselves tell the difference?--Shantavira 08:30, 10 September 2006 (UTC)

Maybe they don't and just give it a try. Getting it right half the time should be sufficient to keep the species alive. Of course this would also mean that male gulls get butfucked a lot, but hey, if that's their thing. Some humans even like it. (Sorry about being such an open minded Dutchman again. :) ) DirkvdM 09:37, 10 September 2006 (UTC)

[[wp::Image:Guldukat.jpg|thumb|100px|left|Male Gul ]] They look rather distinct to me. :-) StuRat 09:33, 10 September 2006 (UTC)

So they're distinguishable by the number of l's in their names? DirkvdM 09:41, 10 September 2006 (UTC)
What if they can't spel? DirkvdM 13:37, 10 September 2006 (UTC)

From Talk:Spider-Man 3[edit]

Note: this text has been reverted and reinstated repeatedly, sometimes with new comments added. This is the last version of the comments. Bignole was the main reverter.

Give me a break!![edit]

You guys are suck f*cking nerds. Who gives a damn if Harry is a "villian" or not. Why don't you invest as much time in solving real world problems as you do bickering over a freakin movie. I mean come on, it's a FREAKIN MOVIE!!! Grow up and get a life. Do what normal people do: buy a ticket, watch the movie, forget about life for a couple hours, then go home and refocus. Spider man is make-believe folks. Some of you computer huggers need to remember that. RR2 22:17, 15 September 2006 (UTC)

Bignole, I have every right to post a comment here. Do not wipe my comments off. I'll continue to add them again. And don't be a hypocrite: 50 other people have been using this as a forum and posting their opinions. Did you threaten them too? RR2 22:17, 15 September 2006 (UTC)

Way to go RR2, keep standing up for freedom of speech! RR3 22:18, 15 September 2006 (UTC)
Thanks RR3! I will continue to speak my mind, and stand up against censorship everywhere. Glad your on my side! RR2 22:19, 15 September 2006 (UTC)

It's obvious we're in a war here, RR2. I've got your back. The re-edits will continue, I PROMISE YOU ALL! RR3 22:27, 15 September 2006 (UTC)

F*ck you Bignole, you communist bastard! Free speech rules!!! RR2 02:29, 16 September 2006 (UTC)

From wp:President of the United States#Election[edit]

In order to be elected to the united states of america, you must first be at least 4 feet tall. Second, you must be able to hold 476 raw potatoes in one fiddle at any given moment in time. You must also be squirrel handed and love to eat raw pettles. That's it.

From My Girl[edit]

Dear Amber,

I love you more than words could ever express. From the moment I saw you I had to have you. Although I was only a young man you taught me how to express myself as a true man. You taught me everything I know about loving someone. You molded me into something rare and beautiful. Now that time has passed, our love has only grown. Everyone looks at our relationship and are jealous because we are an example of pure love, and not lust. When you touch my body, my heart seems to explode and this is why I love you.

From time to time you ask me why I chose you? What is so special about you? Well, the reason is simple. I chose you because you are YOU!!! I have never had anyone treat me the way you do. I have never had anyone just look at me and make me feel loved. You do that to me! You make me feel special and wanted. As liberal as I can be, I would never do anything to hurt you. You mean more to me than you realize. I am hoping that one day I can prove all of this to you! I want you for you! I love you because you bring the best out of me. I love whom, I have become since I have known you. I love your terrific sense of humor. Every time I look in your eyes, my heart misses a beat. I enjoy doing things with you and spending time with you. You are simply irresistible.

Sometimes I feel lost and out of touch, but when your there, I feel safe. Your voice soothes me. I could sit here and try to tell you just how I feel, only I can't find the words other than I am happy we met and have gotten together after all we've gone through.

You make me feel loved, you make me feel needed, but more importantly, you make me feel wanted. That is something that I hadn't felt in a very long time. We have slowly grown into a beautiful relationship that only you and I can understand.

You are becoming my best friend, my lover and my soul mate. You are a blessing that my entire being is very thankful for. I feel that we were made to love, listen, understand, and work through all times in our lives together, a truly rare gift.

We have both gone through so much in our lives; we've both been hurt and have lost trust in others, but I ask you to give me a chance as I give you one. I don't ask for much, only for you to love me as I am and not to hurt me as I would not hurt you. I only wish to be by your side and with no one else.

From this moment on, we have each other and all the time to be in each other's arms. When I say I love you it is truly meant.

Love Always, Jesse

Your One And Only True Love!

Cool! A goosh page for a worldwide audience!

from "Johannes the hill giant"[edit]

Johannes the hill giant[edit]

Johannes is a 20 foot, 1,800 lbs. giant who lives in the hills of a remote Norweigan village. Johannes comes down from the hills he dwells in, to collect the villagers babies, and devouers the infants for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Although many, mostly in Norway, believe Johannes to be a mere myth, many villagers of the area he inhabits and surrounding villages would claim otherwise.

Grand Council of the Belegarchers[edit]

In Johannes' regional Norweigan dialect, "Belegarcher" is the word for "Belly Warrior", and Johannes is known as "Konge Belegarcher", which translates to King Belegarcher.

Every year, Johannes holds a meeting of the Grand Council of the Belegarchers. It consists of 30 of the most notorious hill giants that live among the world. These hill giants hail from Norway, Sweeden, Finland, France, Italy, Spain, Denmark, Germany, Poland, Nepal, and Iceland. These nations' governments have attempted numerous times to put an end to these giants' terror for more than 400 years.

Ingen Kjemper[edit]

Ingen kjemper was a society formed in 1601 by Sven Anderson, a native Norweigan who dedicated his life to the removal of these hill giants from Norway. By 1600, Johannes had been terrorizing the smaller villages of Norway for nearly 200 years. After years of planning, Anderson and his society finally made the attempted attack on Johannes whilst he was yodelling a melodious ancient Norweigan folk song, just after he had eaten 13 villagers' infants for lunch in 1609. When they attempted to burn him with tourches, he gobbled them up. It was the last anyone ever saw the society of heroes.

Johannes today[edit]

Johannes has said to have emmigrated to the United States of America in the late 20th century. He lives amongst Americans somewhere on the east coast. If you have an infant, and you live in the United States, you are not safe.

Christian Francisco[edit]

Christian Fransisco is a ten year old boy (2006) who likes Spongebob Squarepants, and many PS2 games including the Kingdom Hearts series. He also likes the Metroid series as his second favorite game series. His absolute favorite is the Mega Man Game series. His favorite food is pizza, which I personally think and know is unhealthy, especially for a boy of his age. Even as a young boy, he likes internet Metroid demos. Even though most kids his age don't like to eat their vegatables, he loves to eat them. He had said, "I like brocoli as one of my most favorite vegatables, witch is unusual for a kid my age."

From Cultural bias[edit]

Significantly to a philosopher, none of these skeptical denials require one to be skeptical of logic or language. Thus, these forms of skepticism do not clearly invalidate themselves as a direct denial of the validity of logic or language would. This means that they might be formally valid.

Wittgenstein had a more practical way of classifying cultural biases. He believed the critical thing was whether we would coerce the cultural biases by locking up or medicating people who defied them. That is, whether people who violated the norms were "crazy." He considered cultural biases of this sort to be much more strongly held, perhaps grounded in human biology or physical reality in some way.

Tirunelveli_Medical_College[edit]

"Perhaps the only thing lacking is a Compound Wall !!!" from the article on Tirunelveli_Medical_College. --பராசக்தி 06:24, 17 September 2006 (UTC)

Peter North[edit]

He is known as the only human male that is able to shampoo a water buffalo with his semen.

Big D Money[edit]

Big D Money was the supreme command of XIII Corp during the Oklahoma-Nebraska war of 1972. He is credited with the capture of Omaha on September, 22. During the monumentous battle, Leutenant General Big D Money is rumored to have been on the front lines with his men taking heavy morter fire from the facist hoards of Nebraska. He is also rumored to be a "n00b", although he is known to have "pwned" millions. Today he resides in a small town in Virginia, where he sits by his fire and reads books to deaf children and magic zebras. That is all.

From Rick Perry[edit]

Template:Infobox Governor

From Greater Helsinki[edit]

File:Helsinki-Espoo sky.jpg
The municipality border between Helsinki and Espoo, as seen from the ground upwards.


Don't ruin the ending....[edit]

[8]

From Stingray ...again[edit]

Dasyatids (stingrays) are bloodthirsty killers, incapable of remorse. They hunt the weaker fish in an attempt to make themselves feel big. Dasyatids will kill anything, and find enjoyment in it.

Power booster the messiah motor with center generator and ciruclar mag lev track[edit]

The Messiah motor is a unique motor - power booster with its center generator and circular mag lev track with 10 kw on outer circle 100 kw can be pulled off center generator Invented by Jewish welders the motor could solve the world energy needs rpm + torque = horsepower torque is determined by diameter of mag lev track rpm in theory is unlimited speed of electricity altho nothing known to man can spin that fast rpm is speed of operational requirments of motor once spinning small amount of electricity keeps running gear of track spinning the switch can then be flipped using electricity off center generator to power track therefore running engine off own power and producing more power than needed for operational requirement signed Lenard Zickefoose

Someone call the Rothschilds! I smell a conspiracy!

From Talk:Professional attachment[edit]

professional attachment is attachment of professional

From WP:NEW[edit]

TRANSCRIPT IN HIGHSCHOOL[edit]

TO WHOM THIS MAY CONCERN,

MY NAME IS <redacted> AND I AM TRYING TO GET MY TRANSCRIPT SENT TO ME. WOULD YOU PLEASE SEND IT TO, <redacted>. I WAS INFORMED BY THE ADMINISTRATIVE OFFICE THAT I COULD NOT RECIEVE IT FROM THEM BECAUSE OF LEGAL REASONS.I WAS ALSO TOLD THAT I COULD RECIEVE IT AT MY HOME.THIS IS FOR ME TO BE ABLE TO ATTEND COLLEGE WITHOUT ANY FURTHER DELAY. LAMAR HAS HELPED ME A GREAT DEAL BUT,I STILL WAS'NT ABLE TO ATTEND THEM IN SEPTEMBER.DUE TO THE FACT I WAS'NT ABLE TO HAVE MY TRANSCRIPT ON TIME.

                                       SINCERLY THANKS, 
                                             
                                              <redacted>

Elizabeth Roth[edit]

Elizabeth Roth is famous for painting with her toes and her nose. She has recently gone into training to learn how to paint with her mouth. She has a husband named Joshua pendinksky. They have 15 total kids named: Corol, Michelle, Seymore, Butts, Lizzy, Miranda, Euu, You, Marie, Maryland, Him, Her, It, She, He, and Itchy.They also have 2 dogs by the names of: big butt and fartfacemicbeaverbutt. She is the ruler of the brainless butts. Her husband is of the first creation of the royal oder of the big toes. He will one day rule all of the toes and all of their stench.

From User talk:152.3.65.172[edit]

Ok, ok. I confess. I am actually Shakim67. --> (edit summary: "oh crap") --> Ok, ok. I confess. I pretended to be Shakim67.

Change.

This user obviously realised what he had just said, and quickly changed it with a pretty silly edit summary...the perfect example of "think before you act".

Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea[edit]

Under film adaptations, somebody added:

  • Finding Nemo (2002) Disney cartoon that portrays characters such as Nemo.

(See [9])

From Fujita scale[edit]

Category F7 Wind speed 379–437 mph Relative frequency never observed
Potential damage You Don't Want To Know.

From Tom Ellard[edit]

Apparently, on September 19 2006, Tom Ellard asked people to add spurious information to his Wikipedia entry. After a while, the spurious information was vandalised with yet more spurious information, and this is the result ([10]):
File:Tte.jpg
Tom using optical enhancements in a "try before you implant" period.

Thomas Temple Ellard, known as Tom Ellard (born 1762, died 1538 and unexpectedly returned three days later) also known as The Celery Stalker to members of the Sydney electronic music scene, as a homage to Carlos The Jackal, is an electronic musician (no, really), core of the mega super pop group Severed Heads, and creator and director of sevcom.com, a website for alternative methods of music distribution and creation. Ellard resides in Sydney, Australia. He is the inventor of the "atomic 'optional' enema"

On the 19th of September 1385, Tom Ellard asked that people adopt a strong dislike for his taste in clothing. He did this as he is actually an organically modified tnuctip. Whilst running the mega empire that is Sevcom.com, he has detonated millions of roubles towards shelters for homeless cats, dogs, wombats and mad stingrays.An early enthusiast of sampling, Tom used sound sources as varied as watermelons, dust, pigs, fine tooth combs, beaks, pastries, eggnog, larger, teacakes, applebaums, roostriches, callipers, rubberbands, the pope's rap album and Genesis P.Orridge's tits .


Some correspondents have actually claimed that all of Ellard's best work (after the firing of tape manipulator, Dean Martin)is done in collaboration with a ginger cat, Ray Bradbury. However the ginger cat has refused to confirm or deny these claims. Tom recently admitted that his on going fiendship with Stephen M. Jones, not to be confuddled with older, balder and slightly thinner Stephen R. Jones (co-developer of the Transcranial magnetic stimulation technique) has probably helped produce the most impotent work of his career.Tom discovered early on that a tape loop can be anything you want it to be, this revelation led to the daring if not charming "Frothing Chops for Fizzy Knickers" an early masterclass in tape music composition. Now sadly deleted, the first editions can fetch up to four figures on e-bay.

When his creative muse strikes, Mr Ellard dons his air pumps, suspenders, and Devo energy dome helmet and spends hours hunched over a red hot Tesla coil making pumping house music tunes, which he releases under aliases created from anagrams of the words "Maggie Honey, you must look to the Future!". You'll hopefully never see Tom Ellard in the same room as top industrial all-female band PespiNarcolepsi, which debut album "Led Zeppelin" he produced. To thank him the girls covered Sev's first planetary hit: "Don't Saxophone". But the biggest hit though was the Philip Glassish juggernaut, "Dead Eyes Opened". This tune insured Tom's retirement as it was covered by artists as varied as U2 and Bloodwyn Pig.In 2002, it became the theme for Girls Gone Wild 17.

In the 00's "the kidney dance", as shown in Ellard's video presentation "Your kidneys", became hugely popular, causing occidental tourists to send their "kidney dance" clips all over the world in Youtube webpage. There was even an initiative that his home town should be renamed "Kidney". Unfortunately, the black humour of an 'international superstar producer (here we go...)' with serious alcohol addiction problems, creating such a phenomenal piece of musical paradox is lost on the majority of the 'early adopters'.

Ellard is believed to be the evil mastermind behind the 'Duck Truck of the Apocalypse' - a mercenary mobile street 'cleaning' company, with shadowy connections to Welsh Rarebit.He also claims to have built his house entirely from the shells of walnuts.

Severed Heads are renowned for their use of video projections during live performances. It has been rumoured that they turn up, demand copious amounts of cous-cous, pitta bread, balsamic vingar, plush toys and vaseline on their rider whilst simply pressing play on a Ferguson Videostar Betamax Recorder during the gig. Further rumours that a deal has been struck to use state of the art 'cd-rom' in future performances have been strongly denied by their spokespeople who state that this new technology has still to prove itself and they will continue to rely on the the in-house 'eight track' sytem.

During the only U.K performance of their Syndey Bienniale Installation, "Maximum Roosting Potential" at the Albert Dock, Liverpool, Steven R. Jones famously streaked his way on to the infamous floating weather map from the This Morning TV Show whereupon he was wrestled on to the Northern Ireland section by weatherman Fred Talbot. Tabloid reports followed with rumours of Mr. Jones having a relationship with Judy Finnegan. In response, broadcaster Richard Madeley had threatened to forcibly insert a Korg Poly-61 within then vicinity of specific anatomical regions of Mr Jones' body where solar radiation rarely (if ever) is deemed to be present.

After winning the [ARIA] award for Best Motion Picture Soundtrack Used In A Motion Picture, for their soundtrack to the "Illustrated Family Doctor", they are working on an adaptation of cult TV show H.R. Pufnstuf on ice.

When not trying to blow the the creative muse out of his sinus cavity, where she got lodged in a serious binge episode in 1932, Mr. Ellard teaches micro courses using mini books for tiny people. He shares his vast love and copious knowledge of wine and cheese, pouring hydrochloric acid on it, and stuffing it in his underpants. These courses can be yours for a remarkably low, low price (he pays you to attend) at Evonne Goolagong University.

"Thomas Temple Ellard" is, of course, an anagram of "Illuminati, Arse Feck".

{{Australia-musician-stub}} [[wp:Category:1962 births|Ellard, Tom]] [[wp:Category:Living people|Ellard, Tom]] [[wp:Category:Australian musicians|Ellard, Tom]]

From Kraken[edit]

Kraken make great pets.

from Rubeus Hagrid[edit]

Norbert[edit]

Template:HP Animal

From Nice guy[edit]

File:Niceguy.jpg
A characteristic Nice Guy. Note the pleasant smile, lack of obvious ill will, and Maple Leaf baseball cap.

This term refers to the general concept of "nice guy".

Template:For Template:For Template:For


Description[edit]

A nice guy is one variety of human male at or past the stage of puberty. They are most easily distinguished by their demeanor and behavior (alone as well as in social settings), although certain physical attributes are also common.

Personality Characteristics and Behavior[edit]

A nice guy [NG] is most often characterized by a generally and genuinely pleasant demeanor, a lack of overtly annoying habits, friendly though not always decisive or principled smiles, and an reluctance to be truly mean to other individuals. Dutiful, respectful relationships with most if not all family members, the elderly, childhood acquaintances, their mothers, other women (though frequently not including females of romantic interest), supervisors, employees, coworkers, and many others are common.

Many NGs spent one or more years involved with the Boy Scouts of America, and an overwhelming percentage of Boy Scouts attaining the rank of Eagle Scout may be characterized as NGs. Additionaly, the NG life history may include several years of involvement in high school marching band or in high school/community theatre productions.

Preferred bar drinks are those ranging from inexpensive canned beer to expensive microbrews and single-malt scotch, with a general professed distain for "girly" sweet drinks. However, a marked taste for candy and other sugary foods may be simultaneously present. A fondness for caffienated beverages such as Jolt Cola or Mate is common.

Nice guys share many characteristics with common males, and may (or may not) show interests in any of the following: sports (especially football and baseball), cars, and electronics. Additionally, the nice guy may express interest in literature, fine wines, mathematics, art, politics, and science.

Physical Attributes[edit]

Physical characters may include all, some, or none of the following: hair combed and neatly parted on the side, a general awareness of fashion (though a spectrum of facilities in this area may be displayed), earth-toned clothing, and baseball caps with small or absent logos. Glasses may or may not be present. Characteristic footwear includes white tennis/running shoes, Teva or Chaco sandals, or brown/black oxford shoes. In NGs who have successfully reproduced, a baby sling or Snuggli may be present on the anterior side. Nice guys are generally clean-shaven, although a neatly-trimmed mustache may be observed.

General Identification[edit]

This suite of characters is not limited to any one race or sexual orientation, but generally does not occur in males with elevated levels of machismo. In nice guys over 18, education at the university level is common, as well as a moderate to healthy income level. The Nice Guy is defined largely by a suite of generalized characters resisting quantization into binary presence/absence criteria, and invoking in the viewer a diffuse, pleasant feeling of nothing-in-particular.

Biogeography[edit]

The nice guy has a world-wide distribution, but are especially abundant in several countries, including Canada, Sweden, and Norway. In the United States, states such as Utah and Wisconsin also have localized high concentrations of nice guys.

Nice guys can also be found in tech-heavy metropolitan centers such as San Jose, CA, Santa Fe, NM, and Oakridge, TN; environmentally and/or socially aware urban areas including Seattle, WA and Portland, OR; regions with high concentrations of educational institutions, such as Boston, MA, and Raleigh, NC; upscale suburban communities such as Northbrook, IL, and many small midwestern towns.

From Fellowship of the Ring[edit]

see this:http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Fellowship_of_the_Ring_%28characters%29&diff=52470101&oldid=52467734 for the joke,i dont know how to make it appear on the page,srry.

From Talk:Cheese[edit]

CHEESE IS CREATED IN A LAND THAT IT FAR FAR AWAY IN A GALAXY OUT OF THIS WORLD. THE ZAPERRONIONS HAVE MADE THIS PRODUCT AND SMOKED IT TO GET HIGH IN THEIR CASE. THEY LATER ON KEPT ON GETTIN HIGH SO THEY SENT IT TO OUR PLANET. (KNOWN AS EARTH IF YOU GUYS ARE REALLY STUPID OR ARE HIGH OFF CHEESE)SO INSTEAD OF SMOKING IT WE EAT IT AND SATISFIY OURSELVES. AND THAT IS HOW CHEESE WAS FORMED.

WHATEVER THEY SAY THAT IT COMES FROM COWS...THEY ARE B.SING YOU SO YOU CAN GIVE EM THE FINGER IF YOU SEE ONE OF THEM.

From Australia[edit]

Wars

The only notable occurrence in the history of Australian warfare was the Australian-American war of 1963, which is detailed in the following passage.

Following the Korean War (1950-1953), tensions between the US and Australia ran high. The Australian army had lost 250,000 people in the war, most notably the 18,672 in the battle of Nan-ki Chek. The Australian Prime Minister, Michael Glauberman, was dissatisfied with the territory Australia had received in the Treaty of Chow-Poi Hokke, which consisted of the Commonwealth of Taiwan and the island nation of Fiji, the former having been liberated by the 527th Airborne Infantry division and the latter by the 395th Marine brigade. Unhappy with the spoils of the war, Prime Minister Glauberman appealed to Presidents Eisenhower and Kennedy in an attempt to rectify what he viewed as a mistake. However, both of them refused his request to occupy New Zealand. In the summer of 1962, Australia began to rearm, breaking with the Treaty of Haipok-Lin. Within 3 months, Australia converted its massive industrial superstructure into a war machine, which, over the course of the war, put out four to five million automatic rifles, a countless number of small arms, and between ten and twelve million of the newly developed "kangaroo bombs". Newer factories even started manufacturing aircraft and heavy attack vehicles, namely the newly-developed British Hawker jet and replicas of Soviet T-52 main battle tanks. Forseeing a war, President Kennedy issued an ultimatum to Autralia: Stop now, or face nuclear devastation. Prime Minister Glauberman called his bluff. Glauberman, in a memoir, tells how he knew: "As a child, I often played poker with Jack at boarding school at Exeter. I knew his one and only tell: whenever he lied, he got a massive erection. 'Oh fuck,' he would say, then laugh and laugh, because he thought that perhaps by laughing, I would forget both that he was sporting an erection and that he went all-in on pocket threes." This is exactly what Kennedy did during their brief meeting in Canberra. Kennedy knew that convincing Glauberman to avoid war was a lost cause, so he also started mobilizing forces in the South Pacific. Kennedy went to British Prime Minister Harold Macmillan in search of aid against the Australian threat. Remembering the United States' help during the Second World War, Macmillan readily agreed to help the long-time ally defeat another wayward former colony. Following that memorable event, Kennedy appointed Secretary of Defense David J. Poldneff the new Supreme Commander of Allied forces, giving him ultimate authority over all military personnel of both the US and Britain. He then promoted Brigadier General David A. Bernstein to a full general and appointed him commander of the ground invasion of Australia. Admiral Matthew Fredric Blum became CINCPAC, or Commander-in-Chief of the Pacific. Prime Minister Glauberman, realizing for the first time that America was not working on idle threats alone, began mobilizing his forces more quickly. He appointed his childhood friend Jordan Marks commander of ground forces for the invasion of New Zealand and Guadalcanal, and Steve “Crocodile Hunter” Irwin became commander of the Australian navy. On February 6th, 1963, under the command of Gen. Marks, Australian forces attacked the US military installation at Hobart, on the eastern coast of Australia. Simultaneously, Admiral Irwin, who had been conducting exercises in the Indian Ocean, began a run around the tip of Tasmania, to prepare for the US battleships which were bound to come from Hawaii. On February 7th, President Kennedy asked for, and received, a formal declaration of war against Australia. He finished his speech with this memorable quote: I vow kill all those Aussie bastards...every last one. We won't stop until the last woman and child lay slaughtered in the streets, and Australian innards pave our roads. We have nothing to fear except fear itself. Oh, and Australia winnning and doing all that to us." Fearing another Pearl Harbor, Commander Poldneff airlifted all available troops to an undisclosed location in Hawaii. From there, on February 15th, US warships and troop carriers blitzed towards the Australian coast. The first major battle of the war occurred on February 21st, when the USS Yorktown sighted the newly-christened RAN Yankee Crusher, resulting in a mere 35 minutes of battle, ending with the Yorktown sinking the Yankee Crusher and killing 4,238 men stationed on the ship. This struck a crushing blow to the Australian’s morale. Thus far in the war, they had not lost a single man, even in the invasion of the US military base. Thought disheartened, Glauberman and Irwin agreed to continue the invasions as planned. Meanwhile, Poldneff, along with Blum, Bernstein, and Kennedy, created contingency plans if they could not intercept Irwin’s ships before they made ground at Guadalcanal. New Zealand, being in such close proximity of the enemy mainland, made it a lost cause. It was agreed that if Irwin could reach Guadalcanal, then the invading force would be split into two parts, with most of the Marines and light infantry going to Guadalcanal, and the heavier divisions going to New Zealand and then on to the mainland. On February 25th, the main Australian fleet was sighted between South Korea and Indonesia. Admiral Blum, on his command ship the USS Executor, ordered a full attack on the leading ships, were he believed Irwin to be . He was mistaken, and would pay dearly for it. As Blum was attacking the fleet, Irwin was actually on Coruscant, appealing to Emperor Palpatine to help him with the power of the Galactic Empire. The deliberations lasted days.

Meanwhile, in the South Pacific, the naval battle of our times raged on. American battleships and aircraft scored hit after hit on Australian cruisers, but on the second night of the battle, Australia unveiled her secret weapon, known only as The Wombat. Normally, wombats are small herbivorous rodents in the Outback. This one, a failed Nazi experiment to fuse man and beast into one, grew to fifteen feet in height and had a gruesome mixture of man and wombat features. It had powerful digging claws, eight nipples, and communicated in a series of chirps. Its great shaggy head had small, beady eyes, enormous whiskers, and teeth that rivaled those of Admiral Blum. When Blum saw the monstrosity, he directed all fire towards it.While the American forces were distracted, Rear Admiral Karl Meves, leader of the Australian navy in Irwin’s absence, made a run towards Guadalcanal. The US forces saw none of this, as the wombat had begun to gnaw through the hulls of several battleships, including the USS Missouri. After sinking the USS Mayaguez and the USS Cole, the wombat was taken down by the 50mm cannon of the USS Bloody Death. Legend has it that the seas ran red with its blood for 100 miles in all directions. After the fighting was over and the wounded taken care of, Admiral Blum surveyed the scene. He realized what Meves had done and exclaimed, “Karl Meves will never forget the day he humiliated Matthew Fredric Blum.” While the battle was wrapping up, Irwin flew American Airlines into Guadalcanal. Pan Am was more cost-efficient, but he had a frequent flyer plan with American, and could use his extra miles for seat upgrades. His notion of an alliance with the Empire had been shot down, the Emperor mentioning “those damn Rebels” as the main reason they couldn’t help the Australians, but he gave Irwin a terrific gift basket, complete with a loofah and bath salts. As planned, Bernstein and Blum split the forces, with the majority going to New Zealand, but a more than substantial amount went with Captain Zachary Nelson to Guadalcanal. Commander Poldneff accompanied Blum and Bernstein on the trip to New Zealand, planning the downfall of Australia as they went. They knew that Nelson would not have an easy time capturing Guadalcanal, but they all trusted him, Poldneff even affectionately calling him “that little smartass” at times. Marks, realizing the American threat to their coast, appointed Major General Mitchell Josephson the commander of ground forces at Guadalcanal, as he himself retreated to the mainland of Australia and began to plan the defense of his country. Poldneff knew that the deciding battles of the war were not going to be fought at Guadalcanal or New Zealand, but in the heart of enemy territory, Australia. As they neared the coast of New Zealand, plans were finalized in the downfall of Australia. On March 3rd, 1963, the first US forces landed on Guadalcanal. Captain Nelson bravely led the charge, but was the first of many to be cut down by Australian machinegun fire. Though he died, his plans for the conquest of Guadalcanal lived on. The next in the chain of command, Lieutenant Michael Weinstein single handedly broke through the Australian perimeter, and armed with only a KA-BAR knife and his amazing basketball skills, he killed seventy-eight Australians, and then turned one of their own machine guns against them, killing another 237 before being killed by a cowardly Australian private, Aaron Zake. Quite accidentally, throughout the course of the battle, Weinstein impregnated 382 women and three dingoes. This has yet to be explained, but DNA tests confirm Weinstein as the father of the 503 children born. After the cowardly murder of Weinstein by Zake was surrounded by US troops, who immediately disemboweled him and force fed him his own intestines. It has been said that before the disembowelment, Zake said, “Blimey, mates, I didn’t do it!” while simultaneously achieving a quite large erection, which has led historians to believe he is a distant relative of President Kennedy. This rumor may be true, but has never been substantiated. Throughout the rest of the day, American forces had many casualties, but triumphed over the barricaded Australians. Upon hearing the news, President Kennedy has been quoted as saying, “Fuck me, we’re winning?” Weinstein became known as “The Hero of Guadalcanal” for his heroic charge. As news of the American victory, spread through the Australian bases on Guadalcanal, Australian troops surrendered in droves. American troops had little resistance, encountering few suicide grenadiers. In all, 280,000 Australian troops surrendered to American forces. The greatest battle on the Guadalcanal front was the Battle of Chiang-Li Pei, which came on March 19th, 1963. The commander of the Allied forces after the demises of both Weinstein and Nelson, Corporal Evan Meles, was killed by a rogue sniper only hours before the final battle. Commander Poldneff and General Bernstein both flew in to supervise the defeat of the Australians on Guadalcanal. The remnants of the 237th Marine Brigade, the 312th infantry division, and the 123rd fighter squadron had all retreated from the advancing American army into Fort Chiang-Li Pei, which had not been used since the US invasion of Guadalcanal nearly twenty years earlier. On the night of March 18th, at 1800 hours, the US army, under the command of General Bernstein, surrounded the fort. After the base of operations had been set up, General Bernstein gave the Australians twelve hours to surrender, or be destroyed. On the morning of March 19th, at 0317 hours, 52,000 Australian soldiers and 53 airplanes surged forth out of the fort, catching the Americans completely off-guard. Poldneff immediately called for air and naval support, seeing how Admiral Blum had had quite and easy time defeating the under-staffed and ill-equipped Australian navy. Josephson, who led the charge at Chiang-Li Pei, issued and order to all soldiers and pilots not to surrender under any conditions, but to die fighting. Before naval support arrived, the Australian forces had killed 57,000 of the original 158,000 American troops. The unprepared Americans had only managed to defeat 10,000 Australians. As Admiral Blum arrived with the full power of the US and British navies behind him, the tide in the battle changed. Over the next forty-five minutes, countless bombs and artillery shells fell on the Australians. Within two hours, they were all killed. The Allied campaign on Guadalcanal had been a complete success. As soon as divisions regrouped and boarded ships, they sailed directly towards New Zealand, leaving only a small contingent of troops behind to defend Guadalcanal. After receiving the news of the defeat at Guadalcanal, Glauberman was terrified. Though Marks reassured him that everything would be fine, he couldn’t shake the thought that they would lose the war. Though this has nothing to do with the story, that morning, Australian native Samantha Schiff was attacked in her home by a pack of wild Tasmanian devils. She died at 6:29 AM that morning. Marks and Irwin were both confident that their army could still fend off the attack on New Zealand and regain Guadalcanal. Their hopes soared when, just as the Allies were leaving Guadalcanal, four-star Korean General Drew So agreed to help the Australians defeat the Allies because of injustices suffered during the war ten years prior. As soon as they could the Korean navy set an intercept course for the Allies who were only two hours from Guadalcanal. On April 1st, Commander So sighted the USS Executor. Blum, Bernstein, and Poldneff didn’t know of his intentions, and assumed it was a routine naval exercise. Bernstein’s innate knowledge of warfare soon told him that their intentions were not friendly. He overrode Blum and ordered a full-scale attack on the Koreans. According to sailors, it went like this:

Blum: I demand you rescind the order.

Bernstein: No! You fool! What would the Koreans be doing this far south?!

Blum: Training exercise. You don’t know how the navy operates, landlubber.

Poldneff: Military intelligence has no records of a peaceful training exercise in this area. I think David is right. Furthermore, intelligence intercepted an encrypted message in Korean to Australia, that tells of their entire attack plan. Quite coincidentally, when turned on its side, the Korean note says “Samuel Baron Radwany is rotund.”

Blum: Well, I’ll be damned. I knew Sam Radwany to look quite dapper.

The Koreans, not expecting the first shot to be fired on them, were taken by complete surprise. The battle might have come at a greater loss, had it not been for the heroics of one Jeffrey Lebowski, who even after losing the use of his legs to a Chinaman in Korea, used his rush of adrenaline to pull himself through the raging waters of the South Pacific onto the Korean lead ship, and killed thirty-seven men on his way to find Commander So, at which point he executed the Commander and dined on his innards, before swimming back to the Executor and later becoming a successful businessman in Los Angeles. The Koreans done for, the fleet moved on to New Zealand. Expecting a large entry battle like the one at Guadalcanal, they met no resistance. As they marched into the interior, they passed through an eerie plain populated by horses, known only as Rohan. Outside of the Gap of Rohan, the Allied army under command of the Grand Mugwump Albus Brian Dumbledore, met a small force of Orcs, branded with the White Hand of Saruman. Dumbledore has been quoted as saying at that moment, “Saruman will rue the day he angered Albus Dumbledore!” The Allied army marched through Auckland and stopped at the gates of Isengard. Seeing what Saruman had done to the beauty of Isengard, Dumbledore blasted open the gates with his fourteen-inch wand made of holly with a core of dragon heartstring. As the Allies rushed into the barren wasteland which had been a garden, Orcs crawled out of all orifices of the tower and attacked. It was a gruesome battle, but the Allies won in exactly eighteen minutes, seeing that they had firearms against the poison-coated swords of the Orcs. Saruman proceeded to shoot himself and his mistress Eva Braun, along with his dog, Himmler, in his bunker. As the fortress of Isengard had been the main stronghold of Australian forces in New Zealand, the rest of the island fell quickly.

After the Allies conquered New Zealand in the spring of 1963, a ceasefire was signed between Kennedy, Glauberman, Marks, Irwin, Blum, Poldneff, and Bernstein. As negotiations between Australia, the US, New Zealand, and Guadalcanal wore on, tensions mounted between the US troops in New Zealand and those on Australia. Only 100 miles apart, it seemed certain that hostilities would once again arise between the Americans on New Zealand and the Australians in their native country. They did. On November 19th, which, coincidentally was Admiral Blum’s birthday, for which a hootnanny was organized for him by Bernstein and Poldneff, an allegedly “rogue” Australian bomber flew over the new US bases on New Zealand and dropped thirty-seven bombs before being taken down by F/A-18 Hornets. The war was once again underway. A full-scale invasion of Australia was being considered as a plan of action, but only in the most dire of circumstances. As the leaders of the Allies stood on the southern shore of New Zealand, looking across the water at the hornet’s nest, they received the most tragic news of the century: the Commander-in-Chief had been killed. An Australian undercover agent using the alias Justin Sugerman had fatally shot him as he drove by a book depository in Dallas, Texas. As the general public did not yet know the severity of the situation in Australia, and believed the bulk of the US Army was in attendance at an international Army ice cream social in Bangladesh, they were told that Kennedy was killed by Lee Harvey Oswald, an unsuspecting book depository employee. Sugerman, the true assassin, was intercepted as he was swimming across the Rio Grande to Mexico. He was immediately shot and killed.

On November 24th, though saddened by the loss of a mediocre friend, the Allied leaders began the largest amphibious assault in the history of the warfare. 500,000 men on 25,000 landing craft, with an additional fifty-four battleships, twenty-three aircraft carriers complete with 276 airplanes, and thirty-seven destroyers, began crossing the distance between New Zealand and Australia. At 6:17 AM, the trigonometrically calculated time when the Australians are at their most drunk/hung over, the Allies launched and started the one-and-a-half hour journey. The Australians, wasted as they were on Foster’s, began to ready the troops on their beaches where the Allies were predicted to land. The Allies, at 7:38 AM, landed on the beach, codenamed Ohio, after heavy bombardment of the coast by B-110 bombers and several destroyers. As the first wave of soldiers landed on the beach, the defining battle of the war ensued. The Australian machine gunners mercilessly cut down the incoming Americans, who after losing 3,700 men, adopted a new strategy: After every sortie fired by the battleships, they would rush forward a few hundred feet while the gunners were disoriented. It took them four more sorties, but the army finally reached the sea wall, which protected them from fire from the entrenched enemies. By the time the Australians realized what was happening, 43,000 members of the first wave were already lined up against the sea wall. Seeing no other option, Marks ordered the release of the kangaroo bombs. In development since late 1961, the kangaroo bomb utilized the pouch of the female kangaroo to carry large loads of explosives into battle, and then be detonated remotely. Soldiers were puzzled by the legions of kangaroos bouncing across the field of battle. As the kangaroos approached the sea wall, they easily leapt over it, and as the last of them cleared, the wall, they simultaneously exploded. Of the 43,000 men standing ready at the sea wall, only 6,712 survived the blasts. An effect that Marks had not considered was that as they had killed nearly 40,000 men, they also almost completely destroyed the sea wall, which had been one of the bases main stanchions of defense. As the second wave arrived, which consisted of 270,000 men and four women, because the army was quite sexist and chauvinistic at the time, landed and started disembarking, Marks realized the gravity of his folly in sending over the kangaroos. This new force, nearly five times the size of the previous one, rushed across the field and soon reached the bunkers. Though nearly 7,000 of them died from the fire endured when they ran across the beach, this hardly put a dent in the force. The nearly 80,000 troops inside the bunker thought that they were safe due to the volume of mines placed around the base for exactly this scenario. Though the mines did kill a substantial number of troops, around 30,000, the Australians in the bunkers were still outnumbered three to one. They swarmed over the base like those flesh-eating bugs in The Mummy, though no one knew that, as the movie had not been released yet. All 80,000 Australians were killed over the course of the next two days. A great and unexpected loss came for the Americans on the night of November 26th. Troops were given a week to recuperate from the invasion of Queensland, and one night, in the 327th Marine battalion, a fly landed on the shoulder of one soldier, Marcus Monte. A fellow Marine slapped his shoulder, just missing the fly.

“What the fuck was that for?” yelled Monte, enraged because he saw this as a challenge to his masculinity, which he clearly had more of, as shown by his tattoo.

“You had a fly on your back, but I missed it. Sorry,” said the Marine in a gesture of camaraderie.

“You’re fucking lying! I’ll fucking castrate you when you’re fucking sleeping tonight!” yelled Monte in a fit of rage. He then reneged on his promise by not castrating, but raping and murdering all 2,518 surviving members of his battalion.


From Transitive relation[edit]

In short, if you touched her hand, and her hand touched her boob, by the transitive property, you got some boob! ^_^

From Topless tutors[edit]

Topless Tutor[edit]

"dont take life to seriously or you will never get out alive"

So much of our time is dedicated to our studies in this rapid quick moving society. However, the world of academia no longer has to be mundane. The vast majority of high school students spend hours of their life studying information that they will simply memorize and then forget. That is why the best and most efficient studying aid is now available. The topless tutor is the future for after school programs. (and before if you want :)

What is a Topless Tutor?[edit]

Do you have extreme ADD? Do you struggle getting good grades? If so, then the topless tutor is for you! A topless tutor is a male/female that provides his or her services to help high school students study for exams, complete homework and work on daily assignments. The topless tutor will be extremely attractive individuals with an immense amount of knowledge.

How to become a Topless Tutor[edit]

To become a topless tutor one must pass an intense examination. The guidelines are the following: 1. Beautiful/Elegant 2. Strong yet nurturing 3. Patient/Understanding 4. Intelligent 5. Good hygiene 6. Baraka


Baraka[edit]

Baraka, a word meaning the essence of life is one of the most fundamental elements of a topless tutor.


Breasts represent femininity! I love boobs! Everybody has a unique soul and I think everyone should just be nice to each other and respect one another. I think the world would be a nicer place if everyone was just nice to each other. To tell you the truth I'm a nudist. Honestly I'm a nudist. My ex boyfriend used to own a nudists resort and I was naked there all the time. I used to be a very big prude in HS and I developed really late in life and in high school, senior year I developed really fast and my bf Alex like um, I lost my virginity to him and he made me feel like a beautiful person, he appreciated my body. His parents owned a nudists colony and I tried it and I really like it

                                                            -Jessica Gray (the future of topless tutor)


Jessica we love you, this will be removed ASAP, but you have to admit this is funny!

From 2006 Thailand coup d'état[edit]

coups are kool cuz u see army dudes take over the govts. then sume rambo macho guy come in & shoot the army dudes just like a action movee. BAM BAM BAM! RATATATATATAT! KABLOW! he had a machine gun & syas eat lead muthafuckas...uuuuuuuggggggggghhhhhhhhh! is it true thai chinamen kno how to use marshal arts? hiya! hoyo! chin chan chon! yu-can-na-deffet me lunin rion numba-won-san. come & get me wiki.

From Walt Whitman[edit]

As it turns out, most people consider Whitman to be the worst poet, besides Emily Dykeson. Whitman was an alcholic and many people considered him a dangerous threat to society. Much of the time he streaked threw the streets while muttering in coherent sentences regarding his poetry,all of which is hated by mankind. During the middle ages, people burned his work due to the threat of others like him. In 1465 Mr. Dogglymyer declared him a national security threat and made hunt groups to find the psychotic alcholic. After many failed attempts the orginization was disbanded until 1520, when Mr Dogglymyer the third took power and reinstated the search parties. Though they never found him, they burned over 50000 lbs of his work, most of which could not be understood by any normal person. Only the nearly as psychopathic son of Dogglymyer could understand it, and was publicly executed in 1554 because of it. Then in 1800, Whitman began new peotry, even worse than before. It brain washed people, and corpes would magicly appear outside his house. One witness accounts "it was like tha' fancy magick gibrish. It was all like man dere be a corpe outside-a his wyndow." Due to many witness accounts like this the F.B.I. and other federal agencies tracked Whitman until 1700, when Washington made it illegal to even mention Whitmans name. In recent years, Whitmans streaking habits have lead him to several accidents. He was caught in the path of a run away train ,yet managed to survive. In 2004 he walked out into a busy street and was hit by fourty cars, and still survived. To this day no-one knows where he came from, but they know his poerty is the worst to grace this land.

From the Borscht Userbox[edit]

40px This user likes to eat typhoid.


House Made out of Vegetables[edit]

File:Ssss MEETinLA8404ID82423.JPG
The House Made out of Vegetables

The The House Made out of Vegetables is an extremely well-known and historically significant building in Los Angeles, California.

As suggested by its name, the structure is of special archetectural significance due to its having been constructed entirely of vegetables.

Having been the home of the famous Adolf Hitler during his time in Los Angeles (cf., Hitler's Beatnik Period), the house developed something of an undeserved bad reputation.

On August 9, 1969, the house was entirely destroyed in a tragic fire, leaving little besides its foundation, now situated within the boundries of Mac Arthur Park. Its destruction was greatly lamented by Brian Wilson, who eloquently eulogised the House Made out of Vegetables in the songs Vegetables and Mrs O'Leary's Cow on his historic SMiLE album.

The Answer to Life, the Universe, and Boredom on Featured Picture Candidates[edit]

TomStar81 got bored one morning... and quickly relieved that boredom. —Vanderdeckenξφ 10:09, 28 September 2006 (UTC)


{{Wikipedia:Featured picture candidates/The Answer to The Ultimate Question Of Life, the Universe and Everything}}


Everyone Poops[edit]

The book was first published in Japan by Fukuinkan Shoten, and since has been translated into numerous languages, such as English and Spanish. It is a much better seller than it's counterpart: Nobody Poops Except You.

Children have long suspected it to be true, and recent events have proven them right... but it still doesn't belong in the intro to the article.[edit]

Spinach (Spinacia oleracea) is the harbringer of doom and a flowering plant in the family Amaranthaceae, native to central and southwestern Asia.

Found in Kayak[edit]

- - Possibly the worst kayaking duo would have to be Christopher <redacted> and Christopher <redacted> of Canberra, Australia. Although they boast that they are great at kayaking they haven't yet proved it. Note they are probably such a bad team because instead of kayaking they spend most of their time having sex with each other.

Skub[edit]

SKUB IS ALL, ALL IS SKUB

In the Beginning there was skub. And skub was good. Then there was anti-skub, the most vile creatures in the universe.

Swattuh[edit]

Since the dawn of human interaction, mankind has always maintained an ever-changing arsenal of slang or vernacular expressions for describing their friends or associates. In the 90s, such words as "homie," "dawg," and "g" were commonly used to describe one's fellow human being, especially a close friend or fellow team/gang member. But as the new millennium dawned across the globe, men and women everywhere began to find such expressions to be hackneyed and a pale imitation of what they could be. This was a dark age for mankind.

Yet out of the darkness, approximately in the year 2003, a brilliant light emerged to guide mankind back to its final redemption and verbal salvation. A multi-talented genius by the name of Patrick John Morgan attending Winston Churchill High School in San Antonio, Texas, at the tender age of 14, invented what was to become the most popular and satisfying word of fellowship ever to exist in modern civilaztion. Refusing staunchly to suffer any longer under the yoke of normalcy and gang-related terminology, Mr. Morgan created a word that could be used universally by all who wanted a friendly, street-smart yet unintimidating way of greeting their fellow human beings.

That word was SWATTUH.

To pronounce it correctly, merely take the word "flyswatter," eliminate the "fly," so that all you have left is "swatter." Then give it a pop culture flair and a little panache by substituting "uh" for "er," so that the word now sounds like "SWAT-uh." Except it is spelled with two T's. Don't ever forget that.

The word spread like wildfire across the school until it could no longer be contained with Churchill. It conquered the entire city of San Antonio, and then all of Texas itself! Mr. Morgan moved in the summer of 2005, and he took the revolution with him to the state of Colorado. It is now a phenomenon that has swept not just across the United States, but into all of North America itself, and even as we speak, missionaries, messengers, and bringers of good tidings are making their rounds across the rest of the planet, making "swattuh" the most commonly used English expression throughout the world. It is, indeed, an international sensation.

Of course, with every hero, there will always be a villain. To oppose the unbelievable popularity and satisfaction created by "swattuh," a contrasting word was born to combat the wonders of Mr. Morgan's revolution. That inutterable word, that we dare now only to utter for the good of educating the masses against its evil, is "swaittuh." Aw hell no. You walk into any normal, respectable location and ask "Where are all my swaituhs at?" you're gonna get a cap popped in your ass. Maybe even several caps. That's right. It's THAT serious of an offense. Many people would rather die than hear the word said or say it themselves. So make sure you never confuse the two. "Swaittuh," pronounced "SWAY-tuh," is the devil's tongue. Stay away from it, unless you have a death wish and then a meeting with the devil, cuz you sure as heck won't be going up to heaven with a mouth like that.

Long live the revolution. Love live Patrick Morgan. And long live the glory that is the word:

SWATTUH

From Barney & friends[edit]

Barney & Friends is a popular children's television homosexually pornographic show produced in the United States, mainly aimed at preschoolers. Barney is a purple anthropomorphic Tyrannosaurus rex who conveys learning through jumping around singing gangsta' songs with a sexually, optimistic attitude ("I touch you, you touch me, you make me happy sexually, with your hands down my pants and you touching my balls, please dont tell your dad or mom!"). Every episode Barney gives a blowjob to the kids on thier penises! And they touch each other everywhere. Barney The Dinosaur Contents [hide]

   * 1 Origin and development of the show
   * 2 Criticism and Controversy
   * 3 Cast
   * 4 Poo
   * 5 Specials
   * 6 Funding
   * 7 See also
   * 8 References
   * 9 External links

Origin and development of the show

Barney was created in 1969 by Sexryl Bitch of Dallas, Sexas. She came up with the idea for the program while considering TV shows that she felt would be sexually appealing to her son. Bitch then brought together a team who created a series of home videos, Barney and the Backyard Bang, which also starred actress Sandy Duncan in the first 3 videos. Later, Barney was joined by the characters Baby Bop and Blowjob.

Although the original videos were a modest regional success, Barney only became a mega hit when the character and format were revamped for series television and picked up by the Public Broadcasting System, debuting as "Barney & Friends" in 1992. The series was produced by Lyrick Studios. For several years, the show was taped at the ColorDynamics Studios facility at Greenville Avenue & Bethany Drive in Allen, after which it moved to The Studios at Las Colinas. Currently, the series is produced in a northern suburb of Dallas, Texas. The TV series and videos are distributed by SHIT Entertainment.

In the new season, due to debut on September 18 (2006) a cousin of Baby Bop and BJ will join the series. [1] Named "Riff", he is a musical Hemeroid, who will teach kids about world music and respect for those who display non-traditional gender characteristics. Dismissing any controversy regarding Riff's orientation, Executive Producer Karen Barnes says, ‘‘I think a show that’s been on this long, it’s important that we add new elements.’’ [2]

Barney & Friends is now shown in other countries where it is translated if necessary. One such example is the Latin-American version produced in Mexico which is called Barney y Sus Amigos, (Spanish translation of "Barney and his Friends.")

Criticism and Controversy

Although most serious reviews of Barney & Friends have been sexy, the show has been the target of a certain degree of controversy. This criticism generally stems from some disagreement in the messages that the show sends children through the situations that it portrays.

For instance, one particular episode made use of the phrase, "A stranger is a friend you have not met yet", which some parents may view as sending a dangerous message to their children. Another episode was criticized because a situation in the episode could be interpreted as teaching children that cheating is good. In the episode, the children are involved in a contest where they have to carry poop with a penis on it without dropping it. One child wins by putting semen on his dick to make the poop stick, and then he is rewarded for "sexual thinking." Another episode was also criticized because one situation could be interpreted as teaching children that it is okay to suck penises. In the episode, one child sucks a penis from another child, but the other doesn`t care because he wanted it to be sucked the first place.

Critics have alleged that the show condoms huge orgies, saying it encourages children to do nothing but have big huge orgies all day long, which has been shown to have sexually effects on their development. This has also led critics to believe Barney is an attack on Individualism. The most popular claim is that many believe the children all act alike, and they all like to do each other all throughout the show.

The show has also been criticized for that its too hot and homosexual for 2 year olds value. However, studies conducted by Yale researchers Dorothy and Jerome Singer have confirmed that episodes actually contain a great deal of what gay sex and child molestation should be for 2 year olders. An additional criticism has been made that the characters often use sex to solve real problems, something that is very controversial among Christian fundamentalists who regard "sex" as equivalent a sin.

From a Wikipedia Anti-vandalism bot[edit]

Our bots, it seems, find a particularly purple dinosaur that frequents childrens television... offensive

From Pants[edit]

  • Typically, people enjoy eating their pants with a side of whipped cream.

From Mongolian Jesus[edit]

Small picture of the painting of Mongolian Jesus.

In 1987, famous archeologist Brian Jones found a combination of western and eastern art, in a painting of a Mongolian Jesus.

Mongolian Jesus[edit]

The painting dates back to the early centuries, around 100 A.D. Although not known why Jesus appears Mongolian, it is known that there is a manuscript of some sort that was found with the painting. The manuscript reads, in Greek…

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

-John 3:16

Then there's another message under the Bible verse.

For all the love of Mongolia, I hope one day you’ll read the KJV of the Bible and read that verse. But, even though I attempted at saving your souls, I have failed. Forgive me, father, as I have failed to convert these savage peoples. I’ll finally be at peace now, and hope that humanity comes to me for guidance in trouble. If they don’t, then fucking screw them… Fucking screw them.

-Mongolian Jesus

Brian Hides It[edit]

After eighteen years of keeping this secret, Brian Jones reveals to the world this. He says, quoted, "I feel the world is ready for a Mongolian Jesus. In the 80's, no; but now, yes."

Interrobang[edit]

Little known fact that the interrobang was outlawed because our government didn’t want to lose the tax revenue from people having to use both the ! and ? at once. The claim that interrobang’s are addictive and cause teens to commit suicide was just a bullsh*t cover story people bought into because they were afraid of the 60’s sexual revolution.

From Ritsu Shimizu[edit]

Ritsu Shimizu is the current Japanese teacher at Shaler Area High Scool. Shimizu has been teaching Japanese for many years after leaving Japan and coming to America or "U.S.of A." as she calls it.


History of Japanese Department headed by Ritsu[edit]

Over time, her Japanese department co-workers changed quickly and dramatically. Due to the low-popularity of the Japanese program, she is the only High School teacher, but the Intermediate School has hosted several teachers throughout the years. Originally, the Intermediate School had a female teacher, age unknown, who retired. This caused a need for a new teacher, bringing in a young man, Mr. Buckner, to come teach. However, after controversy surrounding him, he was forced to swap places with Middle School introductory Japanese teacher, Gerra Gemborasky. By the start of the next year, things were quite similar. Ms. Shimizu was at the high school, Ms. Gemborasky was at the Intermediate School, but a change had again been made in the Middle school. The third teacher in two years, Mr. Hackett tought the renamed "East Asian Cultures" class. When a student asked Spanish teacher as to the whereabouts of Mr. Buckner, she replied, "He's back in Japan where he belongs." Mr. Hackett has since moved to the High School to teach Honors World Cultures and Geography. This now means that Doug Schramm, a fourth teacherhas moved into the Japanese/Asian Cultures position in only three years. (Teachers and students often jokingly call teaching Asian Cultures "teaching musical chairs/revolving doors") Due to the now rising popularity of the Japanese program, a new teacher now teaches Japanese along with Gemborasky in the Intermediate School, her name being Ms. Hanshu.

Classes[edit]

Currently, Shimizu is the Japanese teacher in the high school. Of course, this means she teaches all five levels of Japanese over the course of the day, taking over a five-class teacher schedule. However, Ms. Shimizu has opted into the five plus one schudule, giving her a study hall to oversee. Her schedule begins with an early Japanese 4 class, and concludes with a Japanese 3 class last period. Her study hall takes place 8th period.

Study Hall[edit]

Ritsu's study hall (8th period as mentioned prior) consists of a "mix-week" group and a "full week" group. The "full-week" group is there daily, while the "mix-week" group is there 3 of 5 days in the week, always on Friday. The days that students are not in her study hall they are in Elaine Robbins's Chemistry class for two straight periods. The study hall is an interesting group, with the likes of Cameron Abel, Anthony Martier, and Josh Sickenberger gracing the class every day, while Ian Terry and numerous others entertain the class on select days of the week.

Controversy[edit]

Some controversy has surrounded Ritsu concerning her 8th period study hall in the 2006-2007 school year. Early on, a Gifted and Talented Education Student, Ian Terry, asked to visit the GATE room. However, Ian was denied access, and Shimizu played it off as a joke. Ian continued, and was accidently sent to the time-out room. Luckily for him, Shimizu realized her mistake and brought Ian back with no punishment.

A student filming for SATV had their camera confiscated, although SATV cameras are excluded from the "No Electronics" rule.

Josh Sickenberger has been ejected from the class several times as the result of inappropiate behaviour.

Quotes[edit]

  • Ian Terry: May I go to the GATE room?
Shimizu: You not in GATE, sit down.
Ian Terry: I really am, this paper proves it.
Shimizu: That's it, you go to time-out now!
(Class erupts in uproarious laughter)
  • Shimizu: For now on, if you socialize, I hit dusty stool and dust comes out and it make harder to breathe.
  • Shimizu: Paper bullets are middle school. You not middle school. You High School!
  • Shimizu: Electronic devices against "schoorl rurls".

Achievements[edit]

  • Coached runner-up of Pennsylvania Japanese-Bowl winner.

From Bored[edit]

[11]

From Crack[edit]

The Irish keep talking about craic – but have a tough time defining it.

By Elaine Walsh

First things first: It’s pronounced “crack.”

“Let’s go have some craic” is the youthful cry each Saturday evening the length and breadth of the Emerald Isle. “The craic was ninety on the Isle of Man,” warbles Christy Moore in a well-known ditty (ninety = mighty).

"What is this craic and why is everybody having it or looking for it?” visitors to Ireland often ask with raised eyebrows (their tone suggesting that the entire Irish population should get to a detox clinic as soon as possible). Craic is a Gaelic word, with no exact English translation. The closest you get is “fun.” There’s the expression “ceoil agus craic,” meaning “music and fun,” probably once used by locals to fortify themselves before heading off over an arduous mountain pass to the nearest ceili. Craic doesn’t appear in standard English dictionaries, but enter it as a search term on Google, and 42,500 listings come up. There’s obviously a lot of craic out there.

Put simply, having craic is having a good time or a laugh. However, due to an unfortunate similarity in pronunciation with a well-known and illegal narcotic substance, not everyone gets the right idea about it. Apocryphal stories abound of unlucky Irish travellers who have had their innocent search for craic misinterpreted. In one well-known example from Paris, two Irish lads saunter down the boulevard, musing out loud on what to do and good places to find some craic. Their plans for the evening are, somewhat naturellement, misunderstood by a nearby eavesdropping gendarme.

“Looking for ze crack, mais non,” cries the gendarme before slapping handcuffs on the unfortunate pair and whisking them off to the nearest Parisian police station where, needless to say, they do not encounter much craic that particular evening.



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