UnSource:Wikipedia BJAODN/Revenge of Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense

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See also: http://bjaodn.org
If you wish to put in new Wikipedia Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense, you may do so at UnSource:Wikipedia BJAODN/67 Deletion Summer of Love. But PLEASE cite your sources!



This page is full up. If you wish to add a new Bad Joke or Other Deleted Nonsense, feel free to do so at our newest page, UnSource:Wikipedia_BJAODN/67 Deletion Summer of Love.

Moshay[edit]

a moshay is a noise made then the person's lips are ourwardly jutted like a duck and air is breathed in and out through the mouth.

Unfortunately, it affects one's ability to formulate simple sentences.

Talk:Tom Cruise[edit]

145allen ave oean side ny 11572 tia nancycruise tom cruise she dream about hime she like hime to much she like to have the autographn and send me more of hise autorgaphn to me she does good she kiss tom cruise in the dream at night she will do the best to writes to hime so much not all the words i know now nont like you know now all the words send me the calendar of tom cruise

Lucky for you, Tom Cruise is a regular editor here at Wikipedia and is fluent in gibberish. Expect your autographned calendar in the mail within the next two weeks.

Obliterous[edit]

Obliterous is an unofficial word meaning 'of note; notorious'. It was first used in 2004 in a wikipedia article about the Oceanwalk Mall in Hollywood. It was also used to describe Sloppy Guiseppes, an italian restaurant in the mall. The word can also be used sarcastically to describe something. It is pronounced "O-Blit-Err-Us", with a long -err sound.

Sodium cyanide[edit]

Sodium cyanide is a chemical substance. It is a toxic cyanide. It is also known under the names Hydrocyanic acid, sodium salt and Cyanogran.

In case of direct contact to this substance see first aid guide for first aid and immediately get medical attention.

Click here to commit suicide....

And speaking of chemical substances...[edit]

This wonderfully bad pun found its way onto the August 15, 2004 section of the cleanup page.

Cocaine addiction - can someone have a crack at merging this with Cocain? - Ta bu shi da yu 04:51, 15 Aug 2004 (UTC)

Sig Escalation[edit]

Over the past month or so I've noticed a number of users playing increasingly clever tricks with their signatures (you know who you are...) From what I can see, there is quite a history of customised signatures on Wikipedia, but is this starting to get out of hand?

Signature Escalation; a harmless bit of fun, or the end of civilisation as we know it. -- [[wp:User:Solipsist| SolipsistSig.png   ]] 20:55, 14 Aug 2004 (UTC)

We should start a collection! zoney  talk 13:41, 16 Aug 2004 (UTC)

From Featured Article Candidates[edit]

Exploding whale is nominated as a Featured Article Candidate - here's one of the (surprisingly few) objections:

  • I fear there might not quite be enough meat to this article. Pcb21| Pete 15:57, 12 Aug 2004 (UTC)
  • That one stinks. [[wp:User:Meelar|Meelar (talk)]] 15:59, 2004 Aug 12 (UTC)
  • Yow! I see everyone is having a whale of a time making bad jokes about this story. It makes me so sad I want to blubber. - Ta bu shi da yu 10:00, 13 Aug 2004 (UTC)
  • Well as long as you don't blow your top about it.... Pcb21| Pete 10:13, 13 Aug 2004 (UTC)

What a terrible carrion that was! zoney | talk 13:38, 16 Aug 2004 (UTC)

The West Dakota Prize[edit]

The West Dakota Prize

Knowing that all legend has a context, that legend arises out of some specific history and is often exemplified in a quotable text, and noticing that the phrase "legend states..." is virtually always followed by vague inaccuracies and even invented nonsense, I elected in August 2004 to award the West Dakota Prizes. A quick search revealed twenty entries that were all awarded the following notice on their talk page:

A Winner of the August 2004 West Dakota Prize

This entry has won the 'West Dakota Prize for successfully employing the expression "legend states" in a complete sentence.

From Inanimate Carbon Rod[edit]

A minor "character" on The Simpsons. The Springfield Nuclear Powerplant simply could not function without the tireless efforts of the Inanimate Carbon Rod.

The Inanimate Carbon Rod was first (and last) seen in episode 1F13: Deep Space Homer. During this one episode, it had many noteworthy accomplishments:

  • Won Worker of the Week award at the Springfield Nuclear Powerplant.
  • Successfully held the door closed on the Space Shuttle Corvair as it re-entered Earth's atmosphere.
  • Was featured on the front page of Time Magazine for its performance on the Space Shuttle.
  • Had a parade in its honor.

Everyone in Springfield likes the Inanimate Carbon Rod, even regarding it as a hero. Everyone except for Homer Simpson, that is, mainly because it outranks Homer in the company hierarchy. Homer wasn't too impressed when the Inanimate Carbon Rod won the Worker of the Week award (particularly because everyone has won one except Homer), or when it took all of the credit for landing the Space Shuttle safely.

Wow, you actually got to see the rod? - Bart Simpson
In Rod We Trust - Time Magazine's Headline

It's the factual manner of presentation in this that amuses me! zoney | talk 01:38, 18 Aug 2004 (UTC)

From Afterword[edit]

An afterword, worded wordily, is a word that proceeds another word. With only one exception, every word that has ever been spoken can be considered an afterword. Afterword: an afterword is a word that is spoken after another word. Since every word that has ever been spoken with the exception of one word is an afterword, what is really significantly more interesting is an anti-afterword. There has only been, and will only ever be, in the history of the universe, 1 anti-afterword. The really ironic thing about the antiafterword, is that it was arguably 'anti-afterword'. See antiafterword

On trying to delete this, the following appeared at Talk:Afterword: WHOEVER SAID THIS IS A CANDIDATE FOR SPEEDY DELETION NEEDS THEIR HEAD READ! IT IS TRUE!!!! DO YOU BELIEN\VE IN THE ANTIAFTWERWORD???????????????????????

44 gallon drum[edit]

a 44 gallon drum, it a large cylander shaped drum that holds 44 gallons usually of oil

It a US or Imperial large cylander shaped drum?

Zinc chromate[edit]

Zinc chromate is zinc+chromate

This is from an idiot who has been carpetbombing Wikipedia with a vandal bot via shifting proxies. If you're the idiot in question and you're reading this, consider assisted suicide. Still, this one was just too funny to pass up.

Transcendent pig[edit]

We go from chemistry to biology on this rather busy BJAODN night:

Transcendent pigs are neither descended from other pig lines nor ascended toward them. Rather they transcend ordinary pig lines by a frallengetic process not used byother mamalia. The capability is thought to be related to the fact that pigs have no sweat glands.

Dark Sucker Theory[edit]

For over a century, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light; however recent advances in theoretical physics have revealed the fallacy of this idea. Electric bulbs and the like do not emit light; they suck dark. Thus, we should call these bulbs dark suckers. The Dark Sucker Theory and the existence of dark suckers prove that dark has mass.

Examples of dark suckers

For example, observe the dark sucker in the room you are in. There is much less dark next to it than there is elsewhere. More powerful dark suckers have an increased range and rate of suck.

A candle is a primitive dark sucker. A new candle has a white wick. It is easily observed that after the first use, the wick turns black, showing the dark that has been sucked into it. A pencil placed close to the wick of an operating candle will turn black, due to it being in the pa th of inflowing dark.

Portable dark suckers store dark in batteries which must be emptied or replaced before the dark sucker can resume operation.

The dark absorbed by a dark sucker connected to the power grid is stored and leaks out with cold temperatures, making cold days darker than warm days, and the night particularly dark.

Mass of dark

Dark has mass. When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction from the mass generates heat. Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating dark sucker (depending on its power). Candles present a special problem as the mass must travel into a solid wick instead of through clear glass. This generates a great amount of heat and therefore it is unwise to touch an operating candle.

The weight of dark is also demonstrated in the way that light floats to the top of a lake, while the depths of the lake contain increasing amounts of dark. Hence light is a singularly applicable term for the lack of dark.

The particles of dark are sometimes called photon holes.

Reference

  • Based on an unoriginal earwig sent by H J Robinson, June 1996.

From Australian hornet[edit]

My Day home from the Mal!

Well I don't know much about this little baby, and I am pretty pleased not to know too much more, for sure.

I fell across this page by accident, just like I haply fell across this nasty big evil little wasp creature type form, while walking home from the supermarket in Great Britain two days ago, and as, after about four hours of searching for the right category, class and genus in which to place the brute, on the web, and not finding one, it kind of qualifies to be some form of beast of Australia, and they are quite welcome to keep it there out back as well, and that is just where I would want to place it!

I learned lots from looking about, like never kill a wasp because they emit a smell which tells their mates to launch an attack: just leg it and leave the beasts alone for the man with the gas tank.

This baby I saw was just by the railway yard, God Save British Rail Workers as they mend the tracks, just by the bridge on the East Side Station. It could have been a normal wasp for all I cared, save that I could not mistake that it was too large, whey too large for my comfort, and that was the most striking feature about it. It was literally two inches long, like a big cricket, and that is some size for a wasp in Britain, we normally only get little ones about a half a centimetre in all, so imagine my surprise to fall across this can of amber nectar, sucking and waiting to eject its contempt on some poor beast.

What else, oh, it had evil eyes, horrid brown, large, evil eyes, like a crickets eyes, and they stuck out of the side of the beast's head, which is very unlike most wasp forms which are posted up online, where the eyes normal rest flat on the face of the head. These big brown eyes were the second most striking feature, and after that, was the colour. It was principally yellow, with brown markings, instead of black. Wide yellow bands not too narrow, with dark bands, circumlocating the body, and arse.

I definitely would place this baby in the crabo family, on account of several features. Its wings were folded, and rested parallel to the main trunk of the beast, they were strikingly longer than one would normally expect of a wasp, extending beyond the body length. It was attracted to the colour purple, of blossom from a tree, wherein it was poking about minding its own day, doing what ever wasps do do, when they are not annoying the likes of me.

Well it was kind of like a mutual respect buddy, one where I ain't a hanging around to view more, and you be on your way sucking the plant life, and we'll be just fine and dandy if we don't meet up again some sunny day!

And here are a few links to kind of get some idea about the beast in quest, should you haply think you saw one too.

This is your normal German crabo

[http://www.vespa-crabro.de/australianhorne t.htm]

Notice its wings are only as long as the body, and its ass is plump and rounded, wherein the beast in the tree had a butt which was more elongated, and its wings were longer too.

Its colour is black, and the eyes are on the front of the face, unlike the wasp of my description.

The bald faced hornet at [1] by Tom Sullivan illustrates more of the kind of overall shape of the beast, although it was much longer than the one he has shown, and quite unlike any of the markings.

The European hornet, Vespa crabro Photo by Joe Myers at [2] kind of shows something nearing the beast in colour, but not exact.

How do these guys get there to take pictures, that is what I will never work out, I'd be down the road with my fosters as soon as the first bus turned up to board!

You know if I did not think that this beast was a wasp because of its colour, I would easily have thought it a cricket because of shape and size, because it was like a cricket, but with wings and eyes and waspy type markings.

I am sure that it came from the church, (I blame them for all gods mistakes) and some foul thing like this miscreant had to be a reject from God's altar, to be sure as we are damned to have it share our planet.

From The Lord of the Rings[edit]

The Lord of the Rings was a film trilogy directed by Peter Jackson, thus named for the hundreds of thousands of plastic chainmail rings used in the making of the film.

From pig[edit]

Pigs are snuffly.

Wikipedia's next featured article! Oink!

Air Zimbabwe[edit]

From the files of Captain Obvious comes this extremely well-intentioned attempt to turn something totally unreadable and without content from a user with a history of same...

arrivaltime for zim airline to gatwick

...into a substub.

Air Zimbabwe is the Zimbabwean airline.

From Tic Tacs[edit]

Paul also believes that they are god's gift to civilisation.

No, that was Certs.

From Knock First[edit]

Hey! My Name is Morgan and im 13 years old. my room needs re-done, and we dont have the money to re-do it. it sucks but i have watched your show a millon times! i love it, you guys are so good, and creative! my room is so boring, i just thought that maybe i could get you to come re-do it for me!im hope that you will make over my room! it will be awesome. my email is [email protected], please write me back, thanks so much, i hope for a miracle!


                       morgan

We're up to three of these and counting despite the disclaimer on the article. Kids, read the fine print or your note just might wind up here!  :^)

United States (demographics)[edit]

The majority of the 290 million people currently living in the United States descend from Fat Abert who arrived with the Cosby kids on the Titanic. Major components of the European segment of the United States population are descended from immigrants from Lavender Town, Viridian City, and Nauru, with many immigrants also coming from Funky Town.. Other significant immigrant populations came from eastern and southern Paraguay and Atlantis; few immigrants came directly from Pluto.

A significant minority is the Mole People population (3.6 percent), most of whom are concentrated underneath Los Angeles.

The United States, as a developed nation, is noteworthy for its high level of arsenic in its drinking water. However, the percentage of Americans calling themselves Superman has declined somewhat in recent years from 86.2 percent in 1990 to 76.5 percent in 2001.

The social structure of the United States is highly stratified, with a large proportion of the wealth of the country controlled by a small man named One-Eyed Bill. However, in terms of ice cream, most U.S. residents enjoy a hot fudge sundae every once in a while. For example, 51 percent of all households have access to a chipmunk and 67.9 percent of U.S. households owned their spaceship in

2002.

See also: How Santa Claus Killed Hitler

Yorgy fwambombolish[edit]

Yorgy fwambombolish (yore-gē fwăm-bămbămbōlĭsh) is a set of two words that do not exist in any current language, and have no meaning. The article about yorgy fwambombolish was made for but one reason: the creator wanted to make a wikipedia article, but did not know anything significant that someone else did not, and could not think of anything he could possibly add to an already existing article.

Oh? I thought Yorgy fwambombolish was a traditional Dutch pastry?

  • This is odd - this is the maiden name of my Latvian aunt! Brookie

Adey[edit]

There is a girl at my school named Adey... my friends seem to have somewhat of an obsession posting articles about her, here's a bunch of versions of the article:

21 Jun 2004:

Adey --Ommited-- is a resident of Carol Stream. Everybody hates her and she's really annoying!

20 Aug 2004:

Adey --Omitted-- (--Full Name Ommitted--, birthdate December 1st, 1991 to present) goes to Jay Stream Middle School in Carol Stream. She goes to the Magnet class, which is a class for gifted children in that district. She was recently the star of the school's rendition of Fiddler on the Roof and currently holds the girls' record in Track and Field for High Jump at 4' 10".

Factual Error: Birthdate is incorrect

23 Aug 2004:

Adey --Ommitted-- (Full Name: --Full name ommitted--, Born: December 1st, 1990- Present). Adey ---- lives in Carol Stream and goes to Jay Stream Middle School. She attends the Magnet Class (A class for gifted children in the district). She was recently the star of the school's musical, their rendition of Oklahoma. She also holds the girl's high jump record at the school which is 4' 10.

PLEASE DO NOT DELETE THIS

Factual Error: Wrong Musical

There are a lot more, I think, but the undelete dB doesn't go back too far. Additionally, some friends have changed the Star Wars Episode 2 Article replacing Padme Amidala with Adey's full name (inside joke)

- Ilyanep 17:44, 23 Aug 2004 (UTC)

Silver cat[edit]

Looks like a potato mixed with an extra from a Puerto Rican parade documentary. For further information see wetback

Maybe when we get an article on Puerto Rican parade documentaries, this will make sense. Then again... --Rlandmann 01:42, 24 Aug 2004 (UTC)

My head hurts[edit]

The actual title of this article was My head hurts

"My head hurts" is an expression usually uttered by people suffering cranial pain. This may be as minor as a slight headache, a more serious migraine, or something such as a major bullet wound.

If you, yourself, find that your head hurts, you should take a pain-killer, such as ibuprofen or Tylenol, usually available without a prescription at any pharmacy, or migraine medication, which is usually prescribed by a doctor or pharmacist. If the pain is consistent or you are bleeding a great deal consult with a doctor immediately. However, if the bleeding can be easily stopped, apply pressure, clean the wound, and bandage the area. If the pain is from a sharp blow to the head, serious head trauma or a concussion could result, and a doctor, again, should be consulted.

Headaches can also be caused by problems with one's eyes; for example, straining too hard to see something, or subjecting them to too much light, for example, by sitting too close to the television.

Doctors do not recommend that people take the popular pain-killer Aspirin for head pain if they are under the age of 18; it can cause Reye's Syndrome.

Archived VfD discussion for this article

from Anal dilation[edit]

(gibberish / HTML code)

{{delete}} This is a medical term, but I don't want to touch it.

Fisherman's Ring[edit]

The Pope's bling, showing his popeitude; also known as "The Big Ring."

Personalized per pope since he ain't yo average pimp, bitches.

From Cattle[edit]

Mooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooo oooooooooo. Mooo. Moooo. Mo. Mooo.

from template talk:notenglish[edit]

Template talk:Notenglish

from "International House at Dartmouth"[edit]

"Once two or three weeks, three house residents will get money from GUA to buy food and cook everyone."

from "Wikimania"[edit]

Wikimania is a recently identified condition characterized by the uncontrollable creation and updating of articles for the Internet Web site called Wikipedia.

Supermalfalidous[edit]

What is a Supermalfalidous and what is its history?

The Supermalfalidous, known in some circles as "Space Creature," originates from the ancient world. The English word is drawn from the Latin word "Tantus-alienus-creatura," meaning large alien creature. However, it was the Greeks in 244 B.C. who were the first civilization to document these remarkable supernatural space beings and the distinctive "star-trails" they left across the heavens in their wake. Their creation story tells that Chaos rained down and sprinkled his seed on Gaia (mother earth). The story is believed to be derived from the sightings of the Supermalfalidous' roaming through the sky, as they appeared to be raining down from the universe to earth. The Romans then adapted the widespread fables of the Greeks and in turn formed their own stories taken from the sightings of the Supermalfalidous. Julius Caesar was once documented as praying to a temple made in the image of the Supermalfalidous before the famous battle of Pharsalus. Such was the power of this creature, that Galileo once described it in his book, Starry Messenger, in which his first astronomical breakthroughs were also recorded. Many modern scientists, many at the top of their field, believe that the Supermalfalidous' are out there, but have not visited our planet for centuries. Distinct radio wave patterns have been recorded and are thought to be some sort of transversal communication. The Supermalfalidous is yet to be determined as the source, but it has been shown that they are indeed an attempt at communication. Astrophysicists now believe that Black Holes, Wormholes and Planar-Binding might have been involved with the ancient sightings and could explain how the Supermalfalidous' came to our planet in the beginning. One thing is for sure: if they were here- and they may certainly be somewhere out there still- we could finally meet and interact with a real extraterrestrials.


What does it look like?

According to Galileo[paraphrase], the creature can be described as a large crab-like sphere with similarities not unlike that associated to a blob of fungi. This of course was 500 years ago, so try to imagine it as a blob of Jell-O floating through space, with similarities to a crab, perhaps some sort of pincers attached to it. We do not know if they have eyes, ears, a mouth or anything pertaining to a human face or body. We can assume however, that since they are capable of space-travel, that they are attune to a blob-like creature since pressure in space is very, very small. They probably use solar energy as fuel or consume star-dust, we do not know yet. Scientific America should have their article up in the December issue, or so I'm told. Look for details then.


Aliens exist?

Yes, and according to various sources, scientists are quite sure that they have for billions of years, just not in the way we would expect. We all think of aliens as grey, large-headed and very intelligent creatures, but more probable, is that they look very similiar to things that we might find on our planet or just a different version of our creatures adapted to life on other planets or

in space.


Supermalfalidous Myths

There are a couple of Myths I would like to discredit now that are associated with the Supermalfalidous.

  • They did not cause the 'dark ages'.
  • They are not in Area-51.
  • George Bush is not a Supermalfalidous.
  • A Supermalfalidous is not something from Star-trek.

All of these 'Myths' have seen light in internet forums buried under countless other conspiracies invented by people with nothing better to do. Please do not think that the above are true, they are all false. I leave you thinking of the situation we are in and look foward to the article in Scientific America. More as it unfolds.

From Gnome[edit]

  • Pesky Gnomes - are beings which live in a strict matriarchical community, in my basement. When I am sleeping they tend to sneak in my room and steal my possessions, and re-arrange my CDs. All attempts to catch them have failed so far.

From International House of Prayer[edit]

The International House of Prayer is located in Kansas City, Missouri. It offers 24/7 prayer meetings according to a special worship model and has been going strong since September of 1999 -- almost six continuous years of worship. IHOP is a charismatic/evangelical Christian organization, focusing on prayer/worship, fasting, missions, and preparing for the End Times. IHOP is associated with a larger organization called Friends of the Bridegroom. One of the more visible figures at IHOP is Mike Bickle, of Metro Christian Fellowship fame.

IHOP-KC is not associated with the International House of Pancakes in any way.

From User:216.148.246.134[edit]

Atlantian Flag
Intellivand Technologies wants to outlaw Atlantium from Wikipedia

Intelivand Technologies Inc is a group if vandals who have claimed to have invented "intelligent, efficent and ublockable" vandalism technologies. They threat unless Wikipedia cracks down on propoganda like The Empire of Atlantium and Childlove movement bu deleting the nonsense "once and for all" it will launch its tool, dubbed "Wikibomb".

About Wikibomb[edit]

  • Posts vandalism via a network of proxies and comprimised machines
  • Exploits mediawiki bugs to get vandal bots with rouge sys-op priviledges
  • Can Spam user talk with information about the Wiki-cabal
  • In test runs, it vandalized a 10,000 page wiki within 5 minutes, effectivley crippling it for around two days!

So, if Those articles are not deleted by the 1st of september 2004, Wikibomb will be deployed!

Note the User_Talk page as well... Pakaran. 19:06, 1 Sep 2004 (UTC)

From 404 error[edit]

The example of a 404 error is given as: http://www.whitehouse.gov/iraq/postwar-plan.ppt

Pisgah National Forest[edit]

k444 bljaaaa

this page is [email protected] by REAL band1t70zzz !!!! OMFGGGG stfu n die n stufffffff !!!!!1 omgzzzzz

== HACKED !!

STFUUU n000bbbb, hahahahh3hah3hah3ah3ahhhd00d0hf0ah303h20h20


<c> #bengalee && #quakeriga h4ck00z t3amzZzzz !!

with all ya rezpekt !

I bet he thought he really hacked Wikipedia...

Ass Cheese[edit]

Residual fermented product produced after lacklustre felching session.

Totally Hair Barbie[edit]

It is a well known fact that Barbie has perfect hair, but the question is, how does she get it so perfect? A team of hair specialists from all over the globe worked day and night for 3 months on a sample of Barbie's hair, but found no evidence as to why it is so full of body and shine. To do her part for science, Barbie gave herself up for a week so that the scientists could conduct further analysis upon her hair. After many pain staking hours, the specialists finally came across the answer to this long awaited question. This would change the world of hair care forever! unfortunately due to Barbie's contract, we are unable to show you this amazing breakthrough. We are sorry for any inconvenience.

Guiltware[edit]

A piece of freeware decorated with a message telling one how long and hard the author worked on it and intimating that one is a no-good freeloader if one does not immediately send the poor suffering martyr gobs of money.


This is pretty much an acknowledged term in the shareware/freeware community. Could use slight rephrasing, but doesn't belong here, I don't think.

The Death Of Fleas[edit]

The death of fleas came about during repaer man when deaths dissapearance caused a slew of new deaths to appear. When Death (note the capital letter)came back after his extended holiday he did away with the all the deaths except for the death of rats(and other small rodents) and the death of fleas while the death of rats is nown by his cathphrase of "SQUEAK" the death of fleas has no catchphrase except for possibly " ".

This'll put all of those flea collar manufacturers out of business.

Believe it or not, this is an actual character from the book Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett, so I'm not sure it belongs here. I'm surprised our erstwhile poster managed to make it through the entire book, though, from reading his own writing. --HBK 18:43, Apr 7, 2005 (UTC)

Viktor[edit]

An alternative spelling of Victor, used mainly by Goths, Russians, Idiots or a combination of the three.

From International Obfuscated C Code Contest[edit]

One notable IOCCC winner (in 1986 and 1987) is Larry Wall. His achievements in IOCCC may or may not be related to his design of Perl.